#most often it's exercised through control

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

the pro

part ii: what we're willing to accept

Pairing: Art Donaldson x Reader

Rating: Explicit - 18+ only. minors, please get off my lawn.

Notes: My brain chose violence this morning. Not beta-read because when is it ever.

Length: 4.8K

Warnings: Slow burn; unhappily married reader; divorced Art Donaldson; infidelity; oral sex (female receiving); vaginal sex; unsafe sex

Summary: Every lesson becomes an exercise in self-control. You force yourself to try, really try, and not make silly mistakes for the sake of Art coming closer, grasping your arm or elbow, pressing close and redirecting your swing. You don’t know what you crave more these days: his praise or his touch.

He's the biggest men's tennis star since Andy Roddick.

That’s what your husband says, as if it’ll entice you. As if you know anything about tennis, about the pro that your husband says will be coming to the house to teach you to play.

It’ll be good for you. You need a hobby. 

You don’t gripe or argue. You don’t tell him that five months into your marriage shouldn’t have you looking for a new hobby. You should still be in the honeymoon stage, spending all of your time with him, hanging off of his arm, off of his every word. But he works so much and he’s away so often—

I don’t want you to get bored. 

It’s a sweet gesture. The maid handles the housework; you have a chef that handles most of the grocery shopping and cooking, unless you insist on making something yourself; you have a housekeeper that arranges for anything you need—dry cleaning, maintenance. And it’s no wonder that with all of his money, his power, he can just order a retired pro tennis player up to your house, like you’d order a pizza. There’s a tennis court in the back of the mansion, a few feet from the pool. You’ll get some new outfits, the best sneakers, the nicest rackets. You’ll finally have something to do to fill your days. 

Art Donaldson. 

You know his name before the lean, fair-skinned patrician man turns up at your front door. He trails you through the house, politely declines your offer of a beverage. 

“You ever played tennis before?” He asks. 

You haven’t. Before your husband arranged this for you, you hadn’t so much as given the sport more than a passing thought. You don’t have the heart or confidence to tell that to a man that’s made tennis his whole life, so you just give him a small, guilty smile and say no, you haven’t. He nods, waves you off, insists that it’s fine. 

“We’ll start with the basics.” 

-- 

Two months of lessons on the basics make your arms tired, and your hands sore. But where your swings are clumsy and your grip is weak at first, you can see improvement in the way that you move. Your steps are less clumsy when you go after a ball; you’re more aware of the service line and the base line; your forehand stroke from contact to your left shoulder is smoother; your rotation and follow-through on your backhand is coming along, but has a long way to go. 

Art’s instruction is calm and steady. He explains technique as much as he demonstrates it. When you get something wrong, he doesn’t scold, just lightly corrects. When you do something well, his encouragement is constant and free-flowing. Every accurate move and motion is met with, “Nice,” or, “Perfect,” or, “That’s it.” 

On the days when you don’t have a lesson with Art, you practice. You order a tennis ball machine to work on your forehand and backhand. You attempt (and fail) to learn how to slice on your own. You try anyway—you can only imagine the way his eyes might light up if you manage to surprise him. 

You’ve tried to ignore the rising interest that you have in Art, but you can’t help the little…Crush that’s developed. He’s just so attentive, and kind. When you find yourself smiling these days, it’s often because of something that he said, or did. You can’t remember the last time your husband made you feel giddy this way. It was probably when you started dating—before you’d made the decision to marry for comfort, rather than love. Your husband is practical, rarely physically affectionate, more heavily involved in his job and social circles than with you. 

But you’ll have to find a way to thank him. He’s given you a hobby, and a man that grins at you like you just painted the goddamn Mona Lisa when you serve your first ace. 

-- 

“So, tell me about the Mark Rebellato Academy.” 

Art smiles, dipping his head as he reaches for his coffee. It’s taken a few months, but you finally convince him to have something to drink with you after practice. Your chef is blessedly out shopping for ingredients for dinner, so you have the kitchen all to yourself. Art has watched you putter around, seeming surprised that you know where everything is. You can’t blame him; the kitchen is chef-grade, and you don’t cook much these days. 

“Did your husband tell you that’s where I went?” 

“No.” 

“Then how do you know?” 

You’re too embarrassed to admit that you’ve done some googling, and watched a couple of clips of him interviewing before and after his matches. 

“I’ve just heard,” You fib. “Tell me about it?” 

He leans back in his seat, eyes skating across your face as he seems to consider something. 

“What do you wanna know?” 

“Did you enjoy it? I mean—” It feels like a dumb question once it’s out, and you hurry to redirect, “With what you know now, if you had the choice, would you have learned how to play tennis somewhere else?” 

He considers for a moment, trailing his finger over the side of his cup. Your gaze flits to his fingers, and your own flex around your mug handle. You’ve spent far too much time looking at and thinking about Art’s fingers—their length and quickness; the slight roughness of his calloused hands; the lingering tan line from where his wedding band used to sit. 

“Yeah,” He admits, drawing your full attention back to his face. “I would. It was foundational, you know. I’ve been thinking of sending Lily there.” 

“Lily?” 

A bittersweet smile twists his lips. “My daughter.” 

“Oh!” It catches you off-guard.  

“Tashi, uh—” He clears his throat, “Lily’s mother, my ex-wife. She and I are thinking about schools.” 

“I’m sure they’d be glad to have her. Does she play tennis?” 

“Little bit. She didn’t start until last year, but she's a natural.” He clears his throat again, presses, “Are you and your husband planning on having kids?” 

“Oh god no.” You blurt it out, and realize as he raises his brows that you’ve spoken too quickly. You lean back in your seat, stirring your coffee quickly to distract yourself from your growing embarrassment. “He actually has kids already. Two girls, seven and ten. They’re at boarding school and they stay with their mother when they're on vacation. I haven’t gotten to spend much time with them.” 

“...He seems to be pretty busy.” 

“He is.” 

“So it’s just you in this big house?” He tips his head to the side, brows knitting with curiosity. “What do you do all day?” 

“Play tennis.”

He grins, chuckling, and your stomach flips at the sound. 

“It shows, you know,” He says. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I can tell you’re practicing without me. And,” He leans across the table, running his fingers lightly over the exposed skin of your bicep, “You’re getting stronger.” 

You wonder if he can see or feel the goosebumps that break out across your skin at the gentle sweep, his gaze heavy on yours.

“I have a good teacher,” You murmur. Art’s lips twitch with a soft smile, his hand gently cupping your arm. 

“Just good?” He plies. 

“The best. A real pro.” 

His smile widens, and the flash of his tongue sweeping across his lower lip makes your face go hot. You know that you’re caught when Art’s touch becomes firmer, pulling your arm toward him just a little. 

The sound of approaching footsteps startles you, and you hurriedly tug your arm away. The sight of your husband makes your heart leap into your throat. 

“There you are,” He smiles. “Art, how’s she doin’?” 

“She’s killing it.” 

You don’t dare look at him, but you can feel the weight of his attention lingering on you still. You just give your husband a smile, tipping your cheek up obligingly as he leans down to kiss it. 

“Actually, Art,” Your husband straightens up, hands resting on your shoulders. “I’m glad I caught you. There’s a charity event for a local club this month. It’s for uh…What is it?” He squeezes your shoulders for answers, and you have to keep from rolling your eyes. 

“It’s a charity tennis match to raise funds to fix up the local courts. They need resurfacing and they’re raising funding to keep the fees down.” 

“We could use a sponsorship from the foundation,” Your husband adds. 

“Honey,” You glance back, wary of insulting Art. But—

“I’ll do it,” Art agrees. “Send me the details.” 

“Excellent,” Your husband grins. “Maybe we could coax you into a match or two.” 

You don’t chastise him this time—not when you see something light up in Art.

“Maybe.” 

--  

You haven’t seen Art play before. You’ve specifically avoided it. You’ve known that when you saw it, you would be too intimidated to do a damn thing on the court with him. But now, you can’t stop watching him. You don’t even care that you probably look so out of place—where everyone else is watching the ball, you’re just watching him. 

His movements are so neat, so precise. It’s like watching a dance. He’s running the poor guy on the other side of the net up and down the court. And the sounds that he’s making—god. Every little grunt and groan is weaving increasingly filthy thoughts in your mind. You already know that you’ll seek out the memory of those sounds, as you reach between your legs later. His shirt clings to his chest, showcasing the muscles that you’ve always suspected he has. Strands of hair plaster to his forehead as sweat drips over his cheekbones, down the bridge of his nose, over his jaw. 

When he scores a match point and he looks toward the cheering crowd—when his eyes land on you instantly, without having to search—it’s like you’ve been hit by a bolt of lightning. You can’t think, or move. You barely have the focus to applaud, but you manage to raise your hands and clap. 

-- 

Every lesson becomes an exercise in self-control. You force yourself to try, really try, and not make silly mistakes for the sake of Art coming closer, grasping your arm or elbow, pressing close and redirecting your swing. You don’t know what you crave more these days: his praise or his touch. 

Coffee becomes a post-lesson ritual. He starts to stick closer and closer to you as he follows you into the house until he begins to rest his hand on your lower back, guiding you to your door. He keeps nearby when you’re making it, brushes droplets of sweat off of your forehead or neck. Every touch is electrifying; you have to make a concentrated effort to keep your hands steady, your face neutral as your heart pounds and your stomach floods with butterflies. 

He pushes you harder on the court, and you force yourself to meet the level that he sets for you, even when you don’t feel confident in it. But you want to make him proud. 

It spurs you to lunge a little too far. 

The sharp stabbing pain in your left ankle makes you shriek, and you tumble to the ground, dropping the racket with a clatter. You hear the pounding of his feet, glance up just in time to see him clear the net before he’s on the ground at your side. 

“What hurts?” 

“My ankle,” You grit out, hissing softly as he helps you straighten your leg out. He smooths his hands over your calf, leaning over you and gently guiding your foot in a few different directions. You whimper as he starts to guide your foot to the left. 

“Okay, okay,” He soothes, “Let’s get you inside.” 

For as much as you damn the throbbing in your ankle, you thank it a little, too. You lean heavily against Art, making the slow, arduous journey back to the house with his arm wrapped tightly around your middle. 

When your husband comes home, he finds you with on the couch with Art coming back in from the kitchen, an ice pack in your hand. 

You’d hope for concern, but your husband frowns, glances at the swelling knob of your ankle, and simply asks: “What did you do?” 

“She lost her balance.” Art sits down on the other end of the couch, soothing you as the chill of the ice pack makes you shift with discomfort. 

“Are you going to be able to walk tomorrow?” Your husband presses. “We have dinner at the Fineman’s.”

“I'm still going, don't worry about that."

“...Tomorrow might be a bit soon,” Art warns. 

“I’ll be okay. It’s just a sprain, right?” You tip your brows up, hoping, praying that he’ll agree for your sake. His fingers flex around the ice pack, jaw ticking as he clenches it. He doesn’t say a word as your husband sighs heavily, grumbles, “I hope so. Still, we should put a pause on the lessons until she’s fighting fit again.” 

Art finally tears his eyes from yours, a tight smile on his lips. 

“Of course.” 

-- 

“How’s the ankle?” 

It takes you a moment to scrounge up an answer. You can’t believe that he called. You knew that Art had gotten your number when you started taking lessons with him, but he’s never used it beyond texting to confirm a lesson time now and again. 

You look down at the still-swollen flesh as it strains against the thin strap of your slingbacks. 

“Fine,” You lie, “It’s um—” You glance over your shoulder, listening for your husband. “It’s not that bad.” 

“Good enough to walk on?” 

Hardly. 

“Yes.” You think you’ve gotten away with it, but when you hear Art sigh and chastise, “You should rest,” You know that you haven’t.

“I have,” You insist, “All day.” 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“Yes.” 

“You can tell him no, you know.”

Your mouth works wordlessly, body going hot with indignation. You can’t think of a thing to say. You can’t tell him that he’s wrong, that your husband’s connections are the lifeblood of his business. You can’t tell him that if your husband’s business falls apart, you won't be able to afford those tennis lessons, and then how the hell are you supposed to see Art again? 

You just yank your phone away from your ear and hang up. 

-- 

I invited Art. 

It shouldn’t be a surprise, but your husband’s statement makes you feel like you’ve swallowed your tongue. You haven’t seen or spoken to Art in nearly two weeks. Your doctor recommended putting off any physical activity, which your husband surely relayed to him. He was the one whose name was on Art’s checks, after all. 

Your husband has always thrown a massive party to kick off the summer. Every year, 150 of your husband’s closest family, friends, and business associates flooded into the house. It shouldn’t be such a surprise that your husband invited Art after the performance he had given at the fundraiser—$25,000 from the foundation, and ticket sales went through the roof when it had been announced that the Art Donaldson would be making an appearance. Your husband owed Art a lot, and probably saw this as an opportunity for him to network, to take on more clients. He had been evangelizing Art’s training to any of your friends that would listen—how good you are on the court, how engaged and energetic you seem to be these days. 

It’s one thing to know that you’ll have to put on a happy face for the crowd, but to know that Art will be among them makes your insides twist with nerves. You can’t stop thinking about the way that he had spoken to you when you were hurt; his calm, steadying demeanor as he’d gotten you inside; the careful coaxing and gentle touch that he’d used as he’d taken your shoe off and examined your ankle more closely. 

You think about it now, as you strap on another pair of heels. Your ankle really is doing well, though you have a little lingering pain in shoes like these. You’ll likely be on your feet for the length of the party; it’s going to be a long night. You look over yourself in the mirror, self consciously tipping your ankle from side to side for anything that he may spot or catch out. But there’s nothing, you reassure yourself. You slide your hands over the skirt, plastering on a smile as your husband pokes his head into your dressing room. 

“Almost ready in here?” He asks. 

“All set!” 

-- 

He doesn’t come over to you. On the crowded patio, you can feel him watching you—you’ve gotten so used to seeking out the sensation that you can’t ignore it now. The first true look at him is agony. He watches you from just a few feet away, a glass of champagne in hand as he speaks with your husband and the Finemans. He openly looks you over, eyes drifting over your body to the flash of ankle revealed by the slit in your dress. He tips his head to the side just a little, squinting before his eyes flit back up to your face, lips twitching with a small smile. 

You want to hate how good it feels; you want to be angry with him for his smug knowing, his insistence of You can tell him no, you know. But it feels so goddamn good to have his attention again that you can’t bring yourself to be annoyed. You know that you’re staring—that you both are—and you force yourself to turn away and excuse yourself from the conversation you’re in. You go inside, murmuring your thanks for the waitstaff that pass you along the way.

The house isn’t nearly as busy as the patio, and you're able to slip into your darkened study unnoticed. You leave the lights off, certain that if you turn them on, people will be drawn in to bug you, like moths to a flame. The party’s lights and music filter in through the partially-closed blinds. 

You lean against the desk, circling your ankle and wincing a little. You’ll hide for a few minutes, let it rest—

Your breath catches in your throat as the door opens. You expect your husband, ready to scold and usher you back to the guests. 

You only have a second to get a look at Art before he shuts the door behind himself, plunging the room back into darkness. Your fingers tighten around the edge of the desk as you use it to ground yourself. 

“...Do you need something?” You ask, voice wobbling with nerves. 

“Wanted to come say hi.” 

“Well. Hi.” 

You hear him chuckle, his footsteps muted by the carpet. 

“Thanks for the invite.” 

“It wasn’t my idea.” It’s not polite to admit, but you want it to sting him, just a little. Maybe it does; in the dim of the room, you can’t see Art’s expression as he comes to a stop just a couple of feet from you. 

“Do you want me to go?” He asks. You know what you should say, but you can’t bring yourself to say it. 

“No,” You whisper. You feel the heat of him as he comes closer, his hands resting on the desk and caging you in. You bite your lip as gently brushes his nose against yours. 

“He isn’t taking care of you.” 

“My ankle is fine.” 

“I’m not talking about your ankle.” He lifts a hand, smoothing it over your hip as your breath mingles. Art’s fingers drift from your hip to stroke over the apex of your dress’s slit. His fingers slip further down, and you nod as he palms your thigh. Before you can say or do a thing, Art sinks to his knees. He curls his hand around your left calf, lifting it. You shiver as his lips press a gentle kiss to your ankle. His hand and lips travel up, easing the fabric of your dress higher with each second. The first brush of his knuckles against your panty-covered clit makes you jolt. Your hands dig into the wood of the desk as his fingers hook between the fabric and your skin. You lift your hips without a word, allowing him to draw them down. 

Art presses a kiss to your mound before he lowers his head, giving your lips a sweet, sucking kiss. You gasp softly as his tongue swipes across your clit. You look down despite the fact that you can’t see him well. You can just make out his blissful expression, his eyes closed as his laps broadly across your aching cunt. You lower your hand to his neat hair, winding your fingers through it, unable to help grasping it. His heady moan vibrates against you and you nearly cry out at the sensation. You manage to just catch it, the sound dying in your throat as Art buries his tongue inside you. He sweeps his thumb over your clit in rush, harried circles, panting against your heated flesh. You rock your hips down against his lips, tightening your grip on his hair as you guide him. He lets you do as you please, whining against your skin as your movements become less controlled.

“Art,” You warn, “I—Oh, oh god—” 

He hums in encouragement, sucking your clit back between his lips and lashing it with his tongue. Your jaw drops open, your hand shoving Art even more tightly against your skin as you cum suddenly. A stunned, breathy moan slips from your lips as Art leans back, smearing his lips against the inside of your thigh. 

You use your grasp on Art’s hair to draw him back up off of his knees, giving him a crushing kiss as he catches his balance. You swipe your tongue across his lips, whining against his lips as you taste yourself on him. He presses close, his hard cock straining against the fabric of his pants. You reach down, palming and squeezing his length as you trade slick, messy kisses. He steers you back onto the desk as you fumble to undo his belt, button, and zip. 

“Condom?” He asks. 

“Pill,” You reassure, shoving his pants down. You lap broadly across your palm, grasping Art’s length and guiding him closer. He brushes the tip of his cock against your still-throbbing clit, smiling as you whine. You’re going to ache tomorrow, but you’ve never been so happy to be sore.

“Art.” 

“Sssh.” 

“Please—” It’s hardly out of your mouth before he shoves his hips forward, seating himself fully with a single thrust. You bite down on your lip to quiet your moan, curling your arms around your shoulders. He rocks into you with firm, quick strokes, his mouth covering yours. You can hear things on the desk rattling with each thrust, kisses growing less controlled as he hoists your thigh up around his hip. 

“Oh, god,” You breathe, “We have to be quick—He’ll come looking—” 

“Not until you cum for me again,” He urges. “I need to feel it, sweetheart.” 

“Art—” 

“When’s the last time he did this? Hmm?” He presses, “When’s the last time he made you cum? When’s the last time he tasted you?” 

“Never,” You admit with a shiver. It seems to renew Art’s passion, his thrusts and hold growing more intense. You squeeze your eyes shut, hands hooking tightly in the fabric of his jacket. He yanks the front of your dress down, bowing over you and drawing one of your nipples between his lips. You whimper as he toys with the bud, tugging it gently with his teeth before swiping across it. You arch into the slick heat, using your leg to tug him even closer as you chased the swelling curl of your orgasm. 

“Just like that,” You urge, “Ffffuck—yes, yesyesyesyes—”

Your eyes squeeze shut as your hips buck down against his, pussy pulsing as he spills into you. Your heart pounds in your chest as the two of you slow and still. Art rests his forehead heavily against your neck, peppering gentle kisses across the exposed skin. You have to move—now. You don’t know if anyone heard you, but if someone did, you’re screwed. If no one did, your husband will probably be looking for you anyway, ready with a scold for neglecting your hostess duties. 

“...I have to go,” You warn softly. It takes Art a moment to move, but he does, gently drawing himself back from your still-throbbing cunt. You hear the clanking of his belt buckle as he tucks himself away, and you reach down, righting your dress where it’s been pulled away. You take up your panties from where they’d been discarded on the floor, tugging them on before you straighten your skirt and hurry out of the room. 

--  

“Can I see you?” 

It’s only been an hour since the last guest has left, and you are so, so fucking tired. You glance toward the bathroom door. You know that you locked it, and you’re certain that your husband can’t hear you over the shower running, but you can’t help but be paranoid.

“You just saw me,” You remind him. 

“Tomorrow,” Art clarifies. 

“Where?” 

“I’ll send an address.” 

You bite your lip, toying with your earring. Your pussy is still aching from the stretch of him, your ass sore from getting fucked on the desk. 

“...You regret it?” He asks. 

“No,” You don't give your answer a second thought.

“I’ll send an address. Whether or not you see me is up to you. Just…think about it. Okay?” 

“Okay.” 

You lower your phone, hanging it up and watching his contact information blink away. It’s only a moment before a text with an address lights up your phone. You don’t have to think about it. You already know what you’re going to do. 

--  

You know that you’re staring, but you can’t bring yourself to stop. Art has spent so much time in your home, so you feel entitled to look around a little bit. You eye the row of trophies on his mantle, photos of him playing when he was young. You come to a stop at a picture of him with a young girl, a racket in her hand and a medal around her neck. 

“Is this Lily?” You ask. 

“Yeah,” He nods. “First competition.” 

“Already getting gold,” You smile. “The Mark Rebellato Academy isn’t ready for her.” 

Art chuckles, nodding as he steps around you.

“You, uh…You want something to eat, or drink, or…?” He trails off, tucking his hands into his pockets as he takes a couple of steps back toward his kitchen. You turn to face him, taking him in more fully. 

“Art?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Why am I here?” 

He doesn’t answer for a few moments. You can see him weighing his options before he comes closer. 

“I…I’ve been thinking about last night.” 

Fear shoots through you, but you force yourself to stand tall. “Okay.”

“I could lie and tell you that it should be a one-time thing, but I can’t remember the last time I got through a day without thinking about you. And I think you’ve been thinking about me, too.” Art stops as the tip of his shoes brush against yours, and you let your eyes slip closed as he rests his forehead against yours. 

“Tell me I’m wrong,” He pleads. “Tell me to fuck off right now and I will never say another non-tennis related thing to you again.” 

-- 

When he fucks you, he curls close, chest pressing against yours as he catches your lips in a kiss. You sink back against his pillows, your head cradled by his broad palm as he rolls his hips achingly slowly. You don’t bother to hide your whines and moans, and you revel in his. Every grunt and whimper and groan that Art lets out lights you up. 

And when you cum, you don't have to quiet yourself. His name tumbles out of your mouth, cushioned between expletives as your nails dig into his shoulders.

--

"What time is he home tonight?"

You don't want to think about it. You want to stay in this cozy little bubble, trailing your fingers over his muscled chest as he massages your nape and kisses your forehead.

But you know that you'll have to let the world back in sometime.

"I don't know," You admit. "Late."

"...Could stay."

"He'll be suspicious if I'm not home when he gets there."

Art sighs softly, running his hand down to rub between your shoulder blades.

"This isn't going to be easy, is it."

"What?"

"Letting you go every day."

"Every day?" You tease, pushing yourself up to get a better look at him. "Don't get greedy, Mr. Donaldson."

He smiles, raising his hand and cupping your cheek. "Is it greedy to know what I want?"

You shake your head a little, lowering your lips to brush against his.

"Not when I want it, too."

part ii: what we're willing to accept

Tag list: @missredherring ; @fantasticcopeaglepasta ; @massivecolorspygiant ; @blueeyesatnight ; @amneris21

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[astroismypassion]

Astrology observations🧑‍🎄🎄🧑‍🎄

Credit goes to @astroismypassion

🎄 Scorpio in the 12th house, Mars in the 12th house and Aries over the 12th house natives often crave salty foods late in the evening.

🧑‍🎄 12th house also shows what you are like and like to do before bed or right before falling asleep.

Aries over the 12th house: getting into an argument right before going to bed, light work out, drinking a hot drink, you probably take extra care on your skin on your face especially

Taurus over the 12th house: eating before bed (especially sweets and fruits), preparing clothes for the next day, you probably have a very set bed time routine, drinking a cup of tea, putting on lip balm, listening to music

Gemini over the 12th house: journaling before bed, sending a message to your siblings, a close friend, scrolling on social media, reading a book or news, watching a documentary or news on TV, putting on hand cream, watering the plants, doodling, listening to a podcast

Cancer over the 12th house: spending time with your family members, especially mum, watching movies, eating something home cooked, looking through your photo album on your phone, drinking hot cocoa, warm bath or spending extra time in the shower, listening to music, texting your close friends/family members, using body lotion, drinking a glass of warm milk

Leo over the 12th house: spending time on your hobbies, interests, texting your crush, brushing your hair, warm bath before bed, listening to music

Virgo over the 12th house: reading before bed, reading the news, going through your planner, planning activities for the next day, journaling, gratitude journal, watering plants, doodling/drawing before bed, listening a podcast, stretching, yoga, watching animal videos

Libra over the 12th house: eating before bed (sweets, fruits), doing self-care (putting on a mask) or washing off make up, picking clothes for the next day, putting on night cream, putting on body lotion, putting on lip balm, drinking a cup of tea, colouring a colour book

Scorpio over the 12th house: light work out before bed, meditation, masturbation lol, drinking a hot drink, shaving, you like to be on your own in your room

Sagittarius over the 12th house: reading (but in a foreign language), watching a documentary, eating foreign food, putting on a sleep mask, using Duolingo and practising a language,

Capricorn over the 12th house: going through your planner for the next day, spending time with dad before bad, scrolling through social media, talking to your parents, drinking warm water with lemon, taking more time on your dental hygene

Aquarius over the 12th house: sending a good night message, stalking other people online lol, reading about astrology, guided meditation for sleep, putting on sock because you’re probably cold, charging your phone and other devices, spending time on your tablet

Pisces over the 12th house: watching a film directly in your bed, reading pick a card/tarot readings, watching anime, animated films or cartoons, conscious breathing exercises, guided meditation for sleep, putting on socks, yoga, stretching

🎄 You might not be as compatible as you think with other signs of the same modality as yours. So if you are a Cancer Sun, you might not get along so great, especially in partnerships, with Aries, Libra, Capricorn Sun, so other Cardinal signs. Same goes for Fixed signs, if you’re a Taurus Sun you could not get along that great with Aquarius, Leo, Scorpio Sun, since both might be too dominant and wanting to lead.

🧑‍🎄 When there is Moon conjunct Venus in Synastry, the Venus person tends to lead and the Moon person follows, because they let go off control due to feeling safe around Venus person.

🎄 I noticed the person most likely wanting to marry you has their personal planets (especially Sun) conjunct your Jupiter sign and not the other way around. So if you have Taurus Jupiter in your own Natal chart, Taurus Suns might most likely want to marry you, but it could also mean you might not necessarily want to marry them or see them as your ideal partner. If you have Aquarius Jupiter this doesn’t always mean you will want to marry an Aquarius Sun, but they might be the one wanting to marry you.

🧑‍🎄 You might consider someone your life partner or wanting to marry them if your Jupiter falls into their 1st house in Synastry. You might really see a future with them and this has potential for a long-term commitment.

🎄 Ex partners are most likely to describe you by your Moon sign after a break up. For example if you have Aries Moon in your Natal chart, your ex could describe you as “unsupportive”.

🧑‍🎄 When there is Sun conjunct Saturn in Synastry the connection could ver much feel “right person, wrong time”.

🎄 8th house shows your desires, 12th house your hopes, desires for the future, 11th house shows aspirations and Ascendant shows the pursuit of your innermost desires.

🧑‍🎄 People who have Moon conjunct Venus in their Natal chart often attract a romantic partner with Cancer Moon or Taurus over the 4th house.

🎄 Capricorn Rising might since childhood transform every hobby into a full-time career. For example, if they loved writing as a child or journaling, they might become an author as an adult.

🧑‍🎄 Cancer Suns really judge a person’s character based on what feeling the person gives them. So based on how they feel around you.

Credit goes to @astroismypassion

[vivmaek]

MARS SIGN OBSERVATIONS

♂ Pisces Mars - I think Lennie Small from “Of Mice and Men,” would have this placement. This is a person who is seemingly harmless, and yet they still managed to cause harm and destruction through indirect action. When looking at someone with a Pisces Mars, their innocence and an assumed lack of strength is noticed first. These are kind people. They would rather harm themselves over another person. Their first instinct isn’t to attack, but to defend. When angry, they appear to be caught up within a panic. A Pisces Mars is driven by their big dreams. They might not always know what they want out of life, and their goals and ambitions may change frequently. This does not mean that they are incapable of finding success. If anything, their unwavering belief in themselves and their ability to achieve the impossible is what takes them to great heights. Hope is everything for someone with this placement, it’s what gets them out of bed in the morning. 

♂ Aquarius Mars - It's hard to pin someone with this placement down. Their actions don’t make sense to other people. Aquarius does a good job showing its eccentricity through Mars. The rules of society and the opinions of others do not dictate their actions. These types are constantly surprising people, and they like this. The public will often speculate about those with an Aquarius Mars. Theories are formed about them, no one can guess what they’re going to do next. In my opinion, this is the most rebellious Aquarius placement. They live their life in a manner that is truly unconventional. People with this placement are not aggressive, but they are clever. They like outsmarting people. A sense of superiority can sometimes act as a driving force. They go out of their way to make the people around them feel stupid if they’re in a foul mood. Their need for independence will never be forsaken. 

♂ Capricorn Mars - Hard work doesn’t scare these people off. They’ll put in whatever energy is needed to complete a project or endeavor. A strong sense of ambition and an excellent sense of focus are traits commonly seen with this placement. They’re quite secure in themselves and exercise self control through all their actions. Discipline motivates them. They take their responsibilities seriously and expect others to do the same. A Capricorn Mars goes above and beyond what is expected of them. They do this through a step-by-step process and practical planning. Cutting corners or taking the easy way out is something you’d never catch them doing. These types want to maintain control over every aspect of their life. They become angry when plans are thrown into a disarray through unexpected events. “Going with the flow,” is not a strong suit of theirs. Their need for security is what motivates them. 

♂ Sagittarius Mars - People with this placement are incredibly restless. They lack patience and need many different outlets to pour their energy into. They are easy going but are also quickly overtaken by passion. Crossing their moral beliefs is a good way to get them riled up. They like to believe that their opinions are more intellectual than they are emotional. When angry they like to get up on a soap box to lecture people. When people don’t agree with them, it can sometimes feel like criticism. They also don’t consider how their tendency to dish out brutal honesty may actually be more hurtful than it is impactful. They often act as a spark that ignites fire, in both a positive and a negative way.

♂ Scorpio Mars - The definition of “moving in silence.” Lots of people claim to do this, but a Scorpio Mars wouldn’t be caught making such a claim. They’re smarter than that. They know that hardship and struggle are inevitable. This does not scare them, but they also don’t fight against the natural currents of life. During certain points, their sense of ambition is so relentless that it becomes obsessive. But, this can only last so long. Rest and recuperation is a process they embrace. After acting on an immense level of concentration for a long period of time, they will need to take a step back to reassess goals. Rather than just accepting things for the way they are, a Scorpio Mars would rather make changes. If they feel that a path is ill-suited for them, they’re not afraid to change directions. Starting from zero is not discouraging and it is something that motivates these types. They have the power to turn nothing into something great. 

♂ Libra Mars - Mars is uncomfortable being in Libra. People with this placement often struggle with taking action and are as indecisive as they come. They get caught up in what's fair and what isn’t. They have a strong need to strike equality and want every situation to be as balanced as possible. Some might be surprised to know that the ultimate desire for these types is to garner a sense of peace. They might unintentionally stir the pot through their inability to take a strong stance on something. They want to weigh all the options possible and can become stressed trying to do so. Being passive-aggressive is also something that's frequently seen with this placement. These types think they’re being nice when in reality they’re making people uncomfortable through their fear of being direct. They’re sneaky when faced with conflict but also good at leading people into a resolution. 

[loveemagicpeace]

💗Astro Notes💗

The fire signs tend to be confident of finding light at the end of the tunnel. The earth signs are focused in the present - staying busy with practical arrangements can bring security. With planets in air, your key asset is objectivity - conversely, with planets in water you need to give due importance to deep feelings.

The cardinal signs tend to deal with difficuity by taking control and trying to make headway. In the fixed signs, there is natural resilience and staying power. If you have mutable signs strong on the other hand, running away might be your preferred option - but if not, you can use your versatility and capacity to adapt.

The 6th house is a good place to begin. Your daily health plan belongs here and so it is wise to create one which reflects your 6th house planets (and/or the sign on the cusp).

Sometimes there will be contradictions, such as having both Jupiter and Saturn in this house, but this simply means that you must pay attention to both and get them to work in tandem in this area of your life.

Even if you have Chiron or Uranus here, you can devise a way to honour these principles. With Chiron in the 6th, you might be interested in investigating complementary health practices; with Uranus, it might help to exercise in short bursts, and also to find ways to discharge the high-voltage nervous energy this planet exudes. Mercury in 6th house you can have a very exciting lifestyle, and you can also be distracted by many things during the day.  Sun in 6th house you like to be productive during the day itself.

The 12th house Traditionally this was regarded as the house of sickness, a place where planets lose vitality and are "weak" in their expression. Other astrologers speak of karma and "past lives" in respect of this house. A psychological approach can shed light on this.

Planets in the 12th are hidden from view - thus our motivations and behaviour patterns around them tend to be unconscious. In addition, the "past lives" can be seen as those of our ancestors; planets here can hint at complexes or traumas experenced by past generations, which we have somehow inherited.

These hidden feelings often make themselves known to us in psychosomatic form, as physica. symptoms. An example of this might be the Moon here suggesting an experience of lack of nourishment or care, which might emerge as a longing to be looked after; with  Mercury here you can experience of not being allowed to speak out, which emerges as illnesses or conditions connected to the voice.

People with a lot of neptune, 12th house energy are more prone to daydreaming and have a more relaxed outlook on life.You are not so inclined to be able to do something immediately or to be organized, you are often more inclined to do things when you feel like it. You do a lot of things by feeling.

Sun -your indentity and purpose can emerge from a life dedicated to service. Mercury- you have ability to manifest a lot of things. You have a wild imagination. Pluto- You have a very strong intuition and often feel things before they happen.

Pluto can be very powerful in this position.

Based on your venus u can see what type of love u want and where u feel the most loved. Venus is also your pleasure and desire. Where you find your value. Your beauty, art , music, things you love to do. Sagittarius venus you find beauty while traveling. The love you have for places is very big. You love people with whom you can share adventures, fun things, passion. Virgo venus for you grandness of love is shown through everyday acts of affection and care.

Virgo Rising -they have trouble finding true love. They attract many partners who don't suit them in the way they would like them to be. They are also quite individualistic. They like to be with people they can connect with as part of their routine, they usually look for someone who has a similar lifestyle to them.But many times they attract people who are the opposite of who they are, especially since they have Pisces in the 7th house. At least once in their lives, they attract someone who betrays them or has a false identity. They often have a thinner physique and have a harder time gaining weight.

Cancer Rising-they tend to find the right partner later in life.Usually when they have a Saturn return. Before that, they can attract many karmic partners.

Capricorn Rising-they are very independent and can do many things on their own. They also have a lot of luck in love, often find partners, are caring, and create a beautiful home with them.They have a lot of self-respect and will never let you humiliate them.

Libra Rising -They flirt a lot and always need love, but because this is the house of Mars, it is sometimes very difficult for them to regulate their energy. Your personality is naturally passive aggressive at times. You don't like conflicts.. You see the beauty in everything and always want to be kind to people. But there is one side of you that doesn't show as much. That is, people always think you are very open because of your friendly energy, but you are actually quite a closed person. You don't really share your privacy with others.

Sagittarius Rising- Your personality is very optimistic and you try to look at life from a positive perspective. Many times you can  have certain beliefs that you don't deviate from. You are also a very resourceful person. You can quickly get out of situations that are not pleasant

Rebekah🌙🧜🏻‍♀️

[thebibliosphere]

Whenever I get a particularly nasty message, I always check to see if they're following me first. Nine times out of ten, they're not. But they're also, unfortunately, the same people who feel entitled to send me multiple messages in a row, most of them heavily steeped in the language of moralization and purity.

Like whenever I talk about painkillers or pain management, I always get a handful of well-meaning people who are maybe new to my blog or are just young, asking me if I've tried diet/exercise/meditation, etc.

Sometimes I'll respond to them. Other times I'll just ignore them because I get those kinds of messages so often it's like white noise, and maybe part of me hopes if they stick around on my blog, they'll learn it through exposure via my incessant bitching.

When you see me responding to someone offering that kind of advice, it's either because I'm at my fucking limit or because I'm hoping it's a teachable moment and an otherwise seemingly nice person might unlearn some harmful biases.

The people who don't follow me are not interested in any kind of conversation on the subject. They do, however, feel the most qualified to tell me, someone they didn't know existed until one of my posts crossed their dash, how to manage my life, everything I'm doing wrong, and why I'm a bad person.

And for them, my disability is proof that I am a bad person because they view health as a moral issue.

If you're sick, it's because you don't exercise enough, don't eat the right foods, don't pray enough, don't do enough. They genuinely believe that if they say and do all the right things, like a Good Person, they'll never get sick.

It's their security blanket against the harsh reality that anyone is one bad day away from disability. One faulty gene, one bad infection, one bad accident away from a life-long diagnosis. And if they do get sick, it's a test. A challenge to be overcome with Willpower as they learn the True Meaning of Life.

It can never just be a simple fact of life that sickness happens. That disability exists without a moral reason.

And it's suffocating.

Day in, day out. Folks who don't know me from fucking Eve telling me I'm being punished. Not always as outright as that. They don't always use that word. But sometimes I appreciate it when they do because at least then they're being honest. They're not couching it in the softer language of leftist circles. Not hiding it behind concern.

Because the truth is, there are just as many folks who think they're liberal and enlightened who'd be happy if disabled people just stopped existing. They don't like thinking about us because it makes them think about themselves. About their own fragility and mortality, and they hate that. They hate that there's something they can't control with their thoughts and actions. That they can't moralize their way out of.

Honestly, it's a relief when people are just cunts about it because I can hit the block button, safe in the knowledge that they were never the kind of person who would see me as a person. But when it's some 20yo kid with their pronouns, orientation, and "ACAB" in their profile spouting the same kind of moralization, sometimes even with the language of eugenics, it feels like such a betrayal. Like a loss.

And perhaps if I wasn't multiply disabled, I'd have the energy to pull them back. To tell them why they're wrong and hope like hell they realize what they're doing is harmful. But then, if I wasn't disabled, they wouldn't be messaging me, so I wouldn't be dealing with it.

I wouldn't be expected to use my existence as a teachable moment to spoon-feed them compassion. But I am, and I do. When I can. Not always with the grace that's warranted. Not always with the thought and compassion I ought to. (And I don't; I acknowledge that. I'm prone to anger and off-the-cuff remarks that are hurtful too. Though I try to keep most of it to myself or save it for therapy.)

Basically, if you've made it this far through the TED talk, don't be fucking cunts to disabled people. Don't tell chronically ill people to try yoga. Don't moralize pain relief. Suffering is not noble.

You need to kill the cop and the priest in your head telling you otherwise.

And also if you're the nice people sending me nice messages. Thank you. It helps cushion all of *gestures* this.

[man-down-in-hatchet-town]

THERE'S A CASTLE ON THE HILL, AS THE STORY GOES...

As promised, some initial thoughts on the things I loved about seeing this show. Spoiler free, since most of us haven't gotten to see it yet, and under the cut since I do wax a bit poetic...

Cinderella’s Castle is, in a strange way, an exercise in irony. The show is a retelling of an ancient story that is beloved and recited throughout so many cultures, and yet somehow feels completely fresh. The modern take on glam-punk lighting, a score infused with styles from 80s synth to anime, a high fantasy set with the costumes to match, the spirit of Jim Henson lingering through both the puppets and some larger and intangible vibe, a script combining that Starkid humor and Hatchetfield darkness with a whole different style of speaking… all of these beautifully executed elements melted together into something that I’ve never before seen. To take a tale as old as time and make it unique is no easy feat, but Starkid did so with magic and charm to spare.

Like any good Starkid show, Cinderella’s Castle is relentlessly dynamic: fun and tragic and exciting and just-plain-silly, with many twists and turns and character moments will make you gasp or cheer just as often as you laugh. It simply rollicks. The story clicks right along, especially in act 2, but the characters are so distinct and fun that I found myself almost wishing the Langs had sacrificed their plotting and pace just to spend more time hanging with every single member of this ensemble of personalities.

And that’s also a tribute to the actors themselves. Jeff is David Bowie reborn as the impish and fabulous narrator. Jon and Joey bring Hop A Lot and Crumb to life with so much charm and presence that they practically had the audience eating out of their hands from the very first second. Like, seriously, you will not believe how invested you will immediately become in these talking animals. Kim’s Fairy Queen is as radiant and terrible as promised; her portrayal of immortal inhuman power compels and commands and stands fully distinct from the Lords in Black. Lauren and Mariah are delightfully disgusting as the vile but deeply lovable troll step-sisters; you can feel the fun they’re having practically radiating off of them. Curt’s Tadius is dryly funny and put-upon, but also provides a vitally grounding and centering presence in the larger-than-life world of the Lands That Are. His big scene with Bryce is probably my favorite part of the whole show. James Tolbert is nothing short of an absolute STAR as the Prince, stealing scene after scene after scene with ease and charm and more jokes about genitalia than I think any of us expected. Angela once again displays a completely different facet of her never-ending range, exuding such elegance and control even in trollish filth that I do fear that the kids on the internet are going to start calling her “mother” with greatly increasing frequency. "Facade" was an absolute highlight of the night. And of course Bryce anchors, propels, and heightens every scene she’s in with such apparent ease you forget she’s been rehearsing for weeks and isn’t simply Ella herself. Ella is this world’s bruised, brave, and angry heart, and you will absolutely root for her every step of the way as she wrestles with who she is and learns what it means to claim her own power.

This was Starkid’s biggest budgeted show to date, and you could tell. This group of Michigan Wolverines and friends have accomplished incredible things since the Very Potter days of a single door and some cardboard columns, and I’m so proud of how far they’ve come. And yet Cinderella’s Castle, the fifteenth musical in the fifteenth year, still retains some of that core Starkid magic that I’ve always believed boils down to love. You can so often see that love emanating from the performers on a Starkid stage: love for the show, for their friends, for their craft, for the audience’s energy pushing them through. And the sense of love and support and community radiating from the audience is just as palpable. The man sitting behind me last night was at his first ever Starkid show, and afterwards he remarked in awe how that was the best audience he’d ever been in. And all that love isn’t unearned—it is built and it is nourished by a proud history of creativity, of song and of dance and of laughter and tears. And Cinderella’s Castle, I think, is going to prove an installment worthy of both Starkid’s past and future.

Starkid family, Bogs Hollow grants thee Starlight.

[accio-victuuri]

Xiao Zhan Portrait Magazine February 2025 feature

source

“Xiao Zhan’s answer to Time”

As long as you hold the reins tightly, time will give you the answer.

Xiao Zhan has always felt that freedom and self are both neutral words. In the past, he may have cared more about other people's judgments, but now he prefers to listen to his own voice, "Destiny is uncontrollable, but what is controllable is oneself." The so-called freedom is the ability to control one's own destiny, whether fast or slow, whether strolling or galloping, it is all up to him. The reins are not in the hands of anyone else, but in the hands of Xiao Zhan.

Free time

In 2023, Xiao Zhan stayed with his actor friend Vincent for a long time.

He always remembered the scene when they first met: Vincent was very tall, with a very long neck and muscles all over his body. The sun shone on his skin, making it glow red. He held his head high, very elegantly, ignored everyone, and walked proudly into the stable - yes, Vincent was a horse.

After a while, Vincent suddenly started to kick and kick other horses when he passed by them, then ran around the arena frantically. "I was completely stunned at the time," Xiao Zhan said. He pointed at Vincent and looked at the equestrian teacher, "Are you sure?" The equestrian teacher was very calm, "Yes."

Vincent was selected from more than 1,000 foals to become one of the actors in the movie "The Legend of the Condor Heroes: The Greatest Hero", playing the role of the hero Guo Jing's mount "Little Red Horse".

For Xiao Zhan, the male lead who plays Guo Jing, riding the "little red horse" is the first step to becoming Guo Jing.

This is a test that the two actors go through together, exploring each other, testing each other, breaking through each other's boundaries, and ultimately, reaching mutual understanding and trust.

Vincent is very smart, he is almost the smartest horse in the herd, he has his own unique way of being lazy, often running and then stop moving. Xiao Zhan whispered in his ear to persuade him, Xiaohong, can you run two more laps, but Xiaohong ignored him. Xiaohong didn't want to walk, no one could persuade her; when Xiaohong was unhappy, she would just stick up her horse's butt and throw people off.

Time and waiting are the most Xiao Zhan can give, there is no other way.

He said that if the little red horse was unwilling, he would stop, and when the little red horse was willing to accept, he would spend more time to run in and train. Gradually, the little red horse and Xiao Zhan reached a tacit understanding. He knew that as long as they completed the training every day, everyone could rest. Later, during the breaks in filming, Xiao Zhan did not forget to feed the little red horse with carrots to reward his partner.

Talking about his time with the little red horse, Xiao Zhan said that he felt very happy and it was a feeling of freedom.

Free to fly, free to understand the emotions, personality and habits of another species. They get along day and night, trust each other, and eventually become friends.

For more than two months in the summer of 2023, Xiao Zhan lived this kind of life: getting up at 6 o'clock in the morning, going out at 7 o'clock, crossing the sixth ring road of Beijing, and going to the horse farm in the suburbs. If there is a traffic jam, it will take nearly two hours to get there. That state is like going to school, riding in the morning, martial arts in the afternoon, sometimes riding all day, and physical training. He can rest one day a week, occasionally two days. After returning home, as long as he has enough time, he will continue to do strength training.

Director Tsui Hark treated The Legend of the Condor Heroes rigorously and specially, requiring the actors to devote themselves to such a "semi-closed" period. Actress Zhuang Dafei, who played Huang Rong, remembered that Xiao Zhan would lead the actors to practice more. Because they had a foundation in exercise before and were relatively professional, the physical education teacher would let him lead everyone to do warm-up and stretching exercises, "It felt like classmates were in class together, and the class monitor led us to train."

During that time, Xiao Zhan fell asleep quickly every day due to extreme fatigue. This was another kind of freedom he felt, the freedom of creating a new character.

We asked Xiao Zhan, in the past five years, have you ever had a moment of spiritual freedom? His answer was: "The days on the set made me feel free." The road to the racecourse was long, and it made him happy.

Director Song Xiaofei also witnessed this period of time. At that time, the film "Sunshine by my side" that the two of them were working on had reached the post-editing stage. He knew that Xiao Zhan was very busy every day because of the subsequent scenes, working out, riding horses, and archery. Occasionally, he would tell him that his waist and back hurt, but he found that Xiao Zhan had a more relaxed and free state - he didn't care too much whether there was some dirt on his face, whether he was sweating or oily, he cared more about whether the role was accurate.

When we talk about the past five years, Xiao Zhan will mark the year with each work. In 2020, he filmed "Ace Troops", in 2021 it was "Dream of Dreams" and "Yu Gu Yao", in 2022 it was "Where Dreams Begin" and "Sunshine by my Side", in 2023 it was "The Legend of the Condor Heroes: The Greatest Hero", and in 2024 it was "The Legend of the Canghai". One after another, he approached those characters with curiosity, some non-repetitive and more complex roles, and found different answers to life in them.

When working with director Tsui Hark, Xiao Zhan always showed respect. When they first met two years ago, he didn't even ask why Tsui Hark asked him to play Guo Jing. When they said goodbye, he didn't even dare to say "I look forward to working with you" for fear of being abrupt. It was only after a while that he knew that Tsui Hark wanted him to play Guo Jing.

But why did the cooperation start with the little red horse? Perhaps we can find the answer in the original work of The Legend of the Condor Heroes. The little red horse is a partner, a comrade-in-arms, and a family member to Guo Jing. More importantly, there is a plot about Guo Jing and the little red horse in the original work. It was a very important turning point in Guo Jing's growth. It was also the first real battle after Guo Jing practiced the Quanzhen internal skills. His courage, concentration and long endurance made the Seven Freaks of Jiangnan recognize this apprentice again and helped him become the "greatest hero".

Regarding Guo Jing and the little red horse, there is a description in the original novel: "The little red horse ran wildly and leaped, galloping back and forth on the grassland for more than an hour, and it was getting more and more energetic. The herdsmen were horrified. The old herdsman knelt down and muttered a prayer, asking the God not to bring disaster on them for offending the dragon horse. He also shouted loudly, asking Guo Jing to get off the horse quickly. But Guo Jing was concentrating on sticking to the horse's back, as if he was tied tightly with a rope. He rose and fell with the horse's height and never fell off the horse."

Xiao Zhan, who has a close relationship with Guo Jing, can also realize that this seems to be a metaphor for Guo Jing's life path: no matter how ups and downs his fate is, he will not be thrown off the horse. He holds the reins tightly and uses a seemingly clumsy but irreplaceable method to step into the world of martial arts and become a great hero.

When Xiao Zhan met his little red horse Vincent, he would have his own answer to this question: when you are in the world, pain and accidents are inevitable, as long as he holds the reins tightly, he will always wait for his moment of freedom.

Innocent confusion

There will almost certainly be a long period of negotiation before the moment of freedom arrives.

It was a long table, with more than 30 actors sitting around it, and the first script reading session that spring began. This play has been performed for more than 20 years. Some actors have been there since the premiere, and many actors are new. Everyone had to introduce themselves. It was Xiao Zhan's turn. Before he spoke, countless guesses kept popping up in his mind, "Oh my God, they will all think I'm a rookie. Will they wonder where this kid came from?" He thought nervously while saying in a low voice, "Hello everyone, I'm Xiao Zhan." Three years later, when recalling this scene to "Portrait", Xiao Zhan commented on himself at the time, "Completely, very, very unconfident."

It was the spring of 2021. Xiao Zhan was invited to star in the CCTV version of "Dream Like a Dream". This was his first time on the stage of a drama and he played one of the soul roles of the play, "Patient No. 5", a role he regarded as "very sacred".

When Xiao Zhan was in college and joined an art troupe, he had heard about "Dream Like a Dream". He knew it was a play about life and death, impermanence and reincarnation, so he became curious about it. Now, it was his turn to play the role. "I couldn't believe it." He was not a professional actor and had no experience in drama performance. How could he take on such an important role? But because he really liked it, he accepted the invitation.

The story of " Patient No. 5 " attracted Xiao Zhan. It was an extremely complicated fate - his child died, his wife disappeared, and he suddenly contracted a strange disease and was tortured. In the last moments of his life, he decided to travel far away and travel around the world. In Paris, France, he met his lover and also met the mystery of another person. For the rest of his life, he was looking for answers and the answer to the mystery of life.

Xiao Zhan's role as "Patient No. 5" in the CCTV version of "Like a Dream" was decided by the chief producer Wang Keren. Before 2019, Wang Keren had never heard of the name Xiao Zhan. The first time he knew him was because they happened to stay in the same hotel. He heard from others that a very popular actor named Xiao Zhan also lived there.

In 2020, Wang Keren was looking for a new version of "Patient No. 5" and a friend told him that he could pay attention to Xiao Zhan.

Wang Keren believes that the most mysterious thing about a person's destiny is impermanence. A few years ago, he told People that Xiao Zhan and "Patient No. 5" have something in common, which is very complex and has a sense of destiny. "People are fulfilled as they stay, and they are hit as they stay."

In July of that year, Wang Keren approached Xiao Zhan and invited him to have a conversation about drama with playwright Wan Fang. In fact, he wanted to observe the young actor. A few days later, Xiao Zhan handed over a long interview outline, which touched Wang Keren.

He told Portrait that he chose Xiao Zhan not only because of his sensitivity to words and deep diligence, but more importantly, during that conversation with Wan Fang, he noticed that Xiao Zhan exuded a kind of "innocent confusion", a trait unique to "Patient No. 5", and he wanted to explore where this "innocent confusion" came from.

"I find it very strange that when a person is in a severe shock, his soul will definitely feel confused, and this confusion may be more severe than I imagined," said Wang Keren.

At that time, Xiao Zhan was indeed at a loss. In 2015, he entered the entertainment industry through a talent show and became a member of an idol boy group from an ordinary designer. In 2019, he became popular because of the TV series "The Untamed" and became the most watched actor in China. Everything happened too quickly.

When he was a child, Xiao Zhan liked to watch "Story Club". The stories in it were all kinds of strange and the fate was ups and downs. As a child, he first knew what impermanence was. He remembered that when Wang Keren first met him, he told him that he was chosen because of "a kind of impermanence". He also understood that at certain moments, his fate and that of "Patient No. 5" were intertwined. Rather than saying that "Patient No. 5" needed him, it would be better to say that Xiao Zhan at that time also needed "Patient No. 5".

When we asked Xiao Zhan, what is the most empathetic point between you and "Patient No. 5"?

"Looking for an answer. An answer to anything." Xiao Zhan said. "Portrait" and Xiao Zhan haven't seen each other for 5 years. The last time they filmed was at the beginning of the new year of 2020. In the following 5 years, many new problems occurred, which also gave him many new confusions.

Xiao Zhan told Portrait that the arrival of Dream Like a Dream is very important to him, "very important". It is not only a breakthrough in performance, but also an influence and support on the spiritual level. "When I really needed such energy, it appeared miraculously. It gave me some answers to many questions."

He knew that he had to seize this opportunity, just like holding the reins of a horse, and he had to decide his own direction.

Dreamlike answer

The answer is not that easy to come by.

After taking on the role of "Patient No. 5", Xiao Zhan began to suffer from insomnia at night. When he was awake, he was reading the script. Before joining the crew, he had memorized all the lines and rehearsed many scenes at home many times. Despite this, he was still so unconfident.

Xiao Zhan shared a detail with Portrait about his nervousness at the time. At the first reading session, when he read out the first line, his attention was not on himself, but on others. He seemed to be staring at the script in front of him, but in fact he was secretly glancing at the reactions of other actors with his peripheral vision. Until he finished reading, he found that everyone had a little surprised reaction: "Eh, it seems okay."

The book "Everything for Drama" also records the behind-the-scenes story of "Dream Like a Dream": Before Xiao Zhan came, he had memorized all the lines. He came in the state of "Patient No. 5" and could start rehearsing immediately after arriving.

Wang Keran is very concerned about Xiao Zhan's status, not only because of his huge fan base, but also because the new version of "Patient No. 5" will be judged by all audiences and professional dramatists. The book "Everything for Drama" summarizes the status at that time like this: "A thorn has been piercing the back of this crew since half a year ago - can the newly joined Xiao Zhan perform on the stage of drama? "

Soon, Wang Keran found that Xiao Zhan had put himself into it. During the rehearsal, actors are easily attracted by their phones, but in the rehearsal, Wang Keran observed that Xiao Zhan did not waste a minute. He never lowered his head to look at his phone. When others were rehearsing, he was also observing, thinking and learning.

Recalling the scene a few years ago, Xiao Zhan said that he liked that kind of life very much. He was immersed in rehearsals every day, which was like returning to school. Everyone rehearsed and discussed, and the teacher gave feedback, revised and polished the work. Everyone created together. For him, "Dream Like a Dream" was like a school, and more like a dream.

Before the premiere, Xiao Zhan was very nervous. He was the opening actor, and the first line of the 8-hour "Like a Dream" was his. When he stood in position, the spotlight was turned on, and there was only white in front of him. The world seemed to be still. He remembered that he could not hear anything that day, but his own heartbeat, thump, thump, thump... When he finished his first line, his hearing was restored.

This may be the charm of the stage. Even though the whole audience was silent, Xiao Zhan could feel that "the air was applauding." Wang Keran also remembered the situation on the day of the premiere. He felt that Xiao Zhan almost "fully and perfectly expressed the emotions of ' Patient No. 5'" that day.

Since April 2021, Xiao Zhan has traveled all over the country with "Dream Like a Dream". In more than two years, he has performed in many shows and gained a lot. What Xiao Zhan likes most is that after each performance, the director and all the actors will get together and express together: "We have carried so much love and enthusiasm from the audience, so we must give these things back to everyone."

Every time, Xiao Zhan would say that he would never cry and would control his emotions, but every time everyone would find that he would come back with swollen eyes from crying.

He became "Patient No. 5" without reservation. There seemed to be an invisible rope between him and "Patient No. 5". Every time he played "Patient No. 5", his mood was also affected. "No scene is the same." The old actors told him that this was right. Even if they had been acting for 10 years, they would have new feelings every time. This is drama. Xiao Zhan also knew that the rope was not only holding "Patient No. 5" but also his persistence in acting. He did not let go of his hand.

At the end of "A Dream Like a Dream", "Patient No. 5" has to stand on the stage and sing a song. Every time he performs this part, he will be deeply immersed in a complex emotion, because before this, he has foreseen the death of "Patient No. 5".

There is a transition time of five or six seconds from lights off to lights on. Xiao Zhan always asks the staff behind the scenes to help him turn off the microphone. He will quickly wipe away his tears, sniff his nose, and adjust his state.

Sometimes, the feeling of helplessness about the fate of the characters still came up. One time, he started to cry while singing. He felt guilty and thought his performance was not perfect. At that time, the actress Feng Xianzhen, who played the elderly Gu Xianglan, said to him, "Your performance today was very moving. You know that? This is the drama itself."

In the more than two years since he became "Patient No. 5", Xiao Zhan has received a lot of comfort, companionship and awakening. He has gradually found his place in this dream and also found some resonance. Backstage, the sign in his lounge does not say Xiao Zhan, but "Patient No. 5".

Wang Keran said that what impressed him the most was actually the performance of "Patient No. 5" lying on the bed. That line made him feel that Xiao Zhan truly understood the role: "He had to get into (the role) to understand his confusion about himself and his fate. Only then could he truly feel it, express it, and have the power to do so. He did it."

Nourishment

The opening up of an individual happens little by little. Outside the stage, at certain subtle moments, Xiao Zhan always reaches out to let the wind of freedom blow in from the cracks in his life.

No one noticed that Xiao Zhan was among them.

He appeared on Binjiang Road, Chongqing's most famous urban promenade, taking a walk as he did before; he appeared at a roadside food stall, eating noodles with his good friends; he appeared in the most prosperous downtown area of ​​a city, taking pictures everywhere with his camera.

In the past few years, he has occasionally wandered around, riding his bike, watching movies, and walking around freely.

These moments are so important to him. "It's like I'm a tree. Have you ever seen a tree grow in the air? No, it must land on the ground. That's the feeling." Xiao Zhan told People magazine that real people and real life are his soil.

When we first met Xiao Zhan, he said that the atmosphere of life was very important to him, and that kind of life gave him a solid feeling. Over the past five years, he has repeatedly emphasized the importance of life in interviews. He will remain sensitive to and capture daily details, observe the status of the staff on the set, observe the Chongqing residents by the Jialing River, and observe the food delivery riders.

When he couldn't sleep at night, he would often sit by the window and stare blankly. He would wonder what people were doing in the windows that were still lit at two or three in the morning. Were they working overtime? Or were they suffering from insomnia? Sometimes on rainy nights, he would see some people running with umbrellas, while others were walking slowly without umbrellas. He was curious about what stories those people had.

Life has given him a great deal of nourishment and strength, enough for him to have the confidence to cope with difficulties and step into the moment of freedom again, and the family is an important space for providing this nourishment and strength.

Last summer, Xiao Zhan and his parents went on a trip to Europe. They spent more than a week together. The last time the family of three went on such a trip was when he was in high school and went to Lijiang, Yunnan. At that time, Xiao Zhan was in adolescence and was very rebellious. He played by himself and didn't want to spend more time with his parents. More than a decade later, he had the opportunity to travel with his parents again. What he wanted was to spend some time with his parents so that they could see his life.

The short trip came to an end. He and his parents said goodbye at the seaside of a foreign country. His parents continued their trip, and Xiao Zhan ended his vacation and went to work. After lunch, they will each go to their next destination. He remembered the scene of parting that day very clearly. The alley was very narrow, so narrow that only one car could pass through. When the car drove in, the pedestrians on both sides had to stand sideways against the wall. The car to pick up Xiao Zhan came first, and he could not stay for long. Just as the clock struck midnight, the pumpkin car came to pick him up, and the dream was about to end.

He and his parents maintain a traditional Chinese family relationship model. Love is subtle and silent. When facing the person he loves, he never expresses too much emotion. He just pretends to be indifferent and says, "Go away and take care of yourself."

But that day, Xiao Zhan stood at the door of the restaurant, he hugged his mother first, then hugged his father. All his perceptions were magnified again. He remembered that when he was hugging his mother, a middle-aged lady walked by sideways. She was wearing a white dress with blue prints. He hugged his mother and watched a gust of wind blow by. The lady's skirt swayed, and the wind smelled like the sea.

The scene was like a movie, deeply imprinted in his mind. When talking about this scene, Xiao Zhan showed the most emotional expression of the day. He closed his eyes and imagined that he was back at the beach. He held his arms in the air, as if he was hugging his mother again. This was almost one of his moments of the year. This complete relaxation brought him some long-lasting strength. During that trip, he also publicly posted a photo with his parents on social networks for the first time, although it was only a back view.

Xiao Zhan said that he and his parents don’t contact each other every day, but they have a strong sense of bond. His parents rarely ask about his work, and they don’t have many in-depth conversations. They only say one thing when he encounters difficulties: "Being happy is more important than anything else. It’s no big deal. Otherwise, just go home."

He found that when he was with his parents, they always talked about his childhood. When he was in high school, he was very annoyed and didn't want to listen more. When he was in his 30s, he had the idea of ​​"talking more, the more the better". He wanted to listen to how he grew up. This is where he came from, and it is also the reason why he grew up to be Xiao Zhan.

A few years ago, he expressed in an interview that he wanted to find "real life". He was worried that he was too far away from the concrete world and lost his judgment of reality. This year, he suddenly changed. Perhaps it was because of more observation, or perhaps it was because of that trip. He confirmed one thing, "I am in real, concrete life."

The concrete life related to his parents and hometown over the past 20 years is like a thick and gentle net, which gently supports Xiao Zhan and helps him dispel many doubts about real life. It is the world closest to him. It is his soil and his nutrients, which continuously and steadily nourishes him and makes him believe that he is still alive.

Now, Xiao Zhan occasionally dreams, and the scenes in his dreams are all the old houses from his childhood. It is an old residential building, and his home is on the fifth floor. Every time he opens the door, his father, mother, and grandmother are all there, and the old house slowly emerges, and he remembers the bedroom, living room, table lamp, and even the kitchen exhaust fan.

Xiao Zhan said that home was like a safe house. Whenever he felt tired or unhappy, he would dream about the old house. Sometimes he felt happy, and sometimes he felt lost when he woke up. But he knew that no matter what happened, he didn't have to worry. As long as he wanted, he could return to the safe house in his dreams.

Dissatisfied

The nutrients absorbed determine what kind of tree a person will grow into. Xiao Zhan once said in the documentary "Wonderful City: Chongqing" that he grew up in Chongqing, and the mountain city nurtured him for more than 20 years. He climbed mountains and crossed obstacles every day, going against the trend. His daily routine was to "climb" every day, so there are some "very stubborn" parts in his character. Growing up in such soil, he had many dissatisfactions and many thoughts of wanting to move forward.

On December 31, 2024, "Portrait" met Xiao Zhan again in a recording studio in Beijing. This was the last day of the year, and the atmosphere of the New Year was everywhere. He did not participate in any New Year's Eve activities, but stayed in a small warm yellow room to record dubbing for subsequent works. When night fell, he had been dubbing for more than 8 hours in a row.

"Do it again", this is the sentence Xiao Zhan said the most, "Do it again", "I'll try again", "Come on, do it again".

There was a nearly two-minute inner monologue, which he dubbed several times. The director thought it was good enough, and Xiao Zhan said, "Do it again." The director was a little surprised and asked, "All of it?" Then Xiao Zhan dubbed the nearly two-minute monologue twice more.

Several directors who have worked with Xiao Zhan all mentioned that "Do it again" is one of the phrases he says most often on the set. Director Jiang Jiajun recalled that during the filming of "Yu Gu Yao", there was an underwater scene where the temperature of the water shed was not high and the actors went in and out of the water many times. The actors quickly became hypothermic and their lips were trembling. However, after each take, Xiao Zhan would come over and ask how the shooting went and whether they needed another take. This was also the part that impressed him the most about Xiao Zhan

Wang Keren also shared the same feeling with People. During the rehearsal of Dream Like a Dream, he often felt that he had passed and performed well, but Xiao Zhan still asked himself to do it again. He concluded that this was Xiao Zhan's "dissatisfaction" with himself.

When filming the TV series "Sunshine by my Side", director Song Xiaofei would receive a call from Xiao Zhan every night before going to bed. He would ask in a crackling voice: "Director, what do you think of tomorrow's scene? This is what I think, do you think it's right? Is this line okay for me to understand it this way?" Song Xiaofei said that among the actors he worked with, Xiao Zhan was very outstanding, and they always maintained close, pleasant, positive and effective communication during work.

He could sense some of Xiao Zhan's anxieties, always worrying that he wasn't doing well enough. Sometimes, he would comfort Xiao Zhan more on the phone, "You're fine, relax tomorrow." There was a drunken scene, and Song Xiaofei felt that it was okay not to drink, but Xiao Zhan insisted on drinking a little. He said it would not be realistic if he didn't drink at all. That day, he took a sip of wine and his face turned red. "He always wants to do it well, he is such an actor."

During the filming, as long as Xiao Zhan was free, he would always sit next to the director, observe other actors, and see how everyone worked. Jiang Jiajun remembered that there was a heavy snow scene in "Yu Gu Yao", Xiao Zhan arrived at the scene early, put a small folding chair in the middle of the artificial snow scene, and sat on it quietly. Jiang Jiajun did not disturb Xiao Zhan, because he knew that Xiao Zhan was brewing emotions.

Song Xiaofei also remembers that on the set, Xiao Zhan always sat very low, for fear of affecting other people's vision. He huddled in a corner, watching other actors perform, and was not stingy with his praise, "They acted really well." Hearing this, Song Xiaofei would offer encouragement, "You acted very well, too."

When filming The Legend of the Condor Heroes: Greatest Hero, Xiao Zhan would sneak into Tsui Hark's small tent, sit quietly beside him, listen to Tsui Hark communicating with the staff, and watch Tsui Hark draw storyboards with a brush. He said, "It's great. I only knew the name Tsui Hark before, but seeing it all with my own eyes makes me feel even more magical."

Dissatisfaction with his performance, his condition, the script and the role made him move forward step by step.

Over the past five years, Xiao Zhan has tried his best to play more different roles, such as soldiers, children of a military compound, and designers. He has also tried different styles of works, such as period dramas, urban dramas, and military themes. This dissatisfaction has allowed him to better understand acting and constantly calibrate his judgment. As long as he continues to act one after another and holds on to each work, he will wait for a better moment.

Recently, he has chosen two more complex roles, Guo Jing and Cang Hai.

After taking on the role of Guo Jing, he would ask everyone he met, "What is your impression of Guo Jing?" Many people would mention that fools have good fortune, but he didn't understand it that way. He remembered Tsui Hark asking him, "Can a fool master the Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms?" When Xiao Zhan got to know Guo Jing better, he found that Guo Jing was not a fool at all, but just a very serious and pure person.

Interestingly, he remembered that when he first met the director after joining the crew, Tsui Hark asked him and Zhuang Dafei, "Do you know rock musicians? You are the rock musician version of Guo Jing and Huang Rong." Xiao Zhan said that he and Zhuang Dafei looked at each other at the time and were a little confused, but during the filming process, he understood that the so-called rock musicians are the kind of reckless persistence.

For a while, under the guidance of Tsui Hark, he watched boxing videos every day and studied the boxers' eyes during the fight. Gradually, he found the eyes of Xiao Zhan's version of Guo Jing, which were not silly or dull, but "sharp like an eagle" during the fight. He said that after several months of filming, he understood Guo Jing and his world from a more complex perspective.

Xiao Zhan also has a new work "The Legend of Cang Hai", which is a costume drama. The character "Cang Hai" played by him carries a blood feud, hides his identity, and searches for the truth. The character's sense of destiny and complexity are further enhanced.

Such complicated clues gave Xiao Zhan more thoughts and more expressions. Xiao Zhan and director Cao Yiwen are of the same age and have similar personalities. They are both very stubborn and serious. They often discuss a detail from online to offline, and continue to discuss after work. One day, they discussed until three or four in the morning.

Zheng Xiaolong is the chief director of "Legend of the Hidden Sea". He told Xiao Zhan that the most important thing is to enrich the role from the perspective of people and human nature. Xiao Zhan said that Zheng Xiaolong would give him all kinds of ideas, and he could act this way or that way. Zheng Xiaolong told "Portrait" that Xiao Zhan not only put a lot of effort into the lines, but also tried very hard to empathize with the character. He acted out many emotional scenes over and over again. "He completely explored acting in practice."

Xiao Zhan said that when he first entered the industry, he was more of a passive receiver. Directors and senior actors told him how to act, and he just listened and followed them. "I understand, I understand" was what he said most. Starting from The Untamed, he realized that he had changed a little bit, and gradually found a way of expression that belonged to him.

At the post-production dubbing site of "Legend of Zanghai", we also saw such a scene: sometimes when the director puts forward an idea, Xiao Zhan will not explain it immediately, but think about it for a few seconds first. Sometimes it is even as small as whether the breath is closer to the opponent actor or more distant, Xiao Zhan will have his own understanding.

The New Year is coming, and Xiao Zhan's voice is still ringing in the dubbing studio, "Do it again", "Try again". 2025 is Xiao Zhan's ninth year since his debut. He knows that this dissatisfaction and "Do it again" will accompany him for a long time.

Don't look back

On the day we met again five years later, we asked Xiao Zhan to watch the video interview he filmed for People magazine in 2020. At the end of the video, he smiled at the camera and asked, "I look forward to the next five years. What will Xiao Zhan become?"

He said that this was the first time he had watched this video in five years. He never watched his own interviews, and he felt a little embarrassed. But he also frankly expressed his feelings: "At that time, I was very young and fresh. Oh, you can see that my eyes were shining. I really wanted the world to know me. Come and see me."

When he was young, he listened to Stefanie Sun's song "Youth Without Limits", in which the lyrics go "At 25, I learn the movements that adults should have". At that time, he thought that 25 was so far away, and that I should be a very mature adult. He never thought that he would enter the entertainment industry and start a new life at the age of 25. Now he is 33 years old, an age that he "did not dare to think about" when he was a child.

Five years later, what kind of person has Xiao Zhan become?

After entering his thirties, Xiao Zhan clearly felt some subtle changes in his body. During the filming of "Legend of Zanghai", he suffered from a long-lasting illness, with constant inflammation of his tonsils, coughing, fever, and facial swelling, which recurred over and over again.

One morning, he was filming a horse riding scene. He had experienced the Little Red Horse in the production of The Legend of the Condor Heroes, so riding a horse was not a problem. He just felt that the sunlight was a bit dazzling and it was a bit difficult to open his eyes. Unexpectedly, the director Zheng Xiaolong asked him, "Why are you so swollen?" He leaned close to the monitor to watch the playback, and saw himself riding a horse at full speed with two swollen frog-like eyelids.

In 2021, he started to exercise because of filming a military-themed work, and he has maintained the habit of exercising since then. When he played Guo Jing, he began to gain muscle and weight. Guo Jing grew up on the Mongolian grasslands and was a man of the rivers and lakes. He should look rough in appearance. In order to achieve the change in appearance, he did strength training almost every day.

Onlookers can also feel the changes that fitness has brought to Xiao Zhan. Song Xiaofei remembers the first time he saw Xiao Zhan. He had just finished running that day and was jogging up the stairs. His hair was a little sweaty, and his body was steaming with a kind of hormones. He "jumped up". Because he was moved by this scene, Song Xiaofei deliberately changed the script and filmed the scene where the male protagonist Sheng Yang got up early to exercise, got ready as quickly as possible, and rushed to the subway with full energy. "It felt so good to see Xiao Zhan that day, I really want to show it to everyone."

Fitness is also a way to control the body. Of course, the frequent red lights on his body last year also warned him that he was getting old and could no longer stay up all night and be energetic the next day. He had to take better care of his body and solve the problems his body gave him.

In the past, he might have wondered why he got sick. Now, he exercises with a clear goal in mind and adjusts his condition. When he was in his 20s, Xiao Zhan was thinking about finding answers to questions. Now, when he is in his 30s, he is solving specific problems.

So, what is the biggest growth in these five years?

"I have become more stable and also...relatively self-centered." Xiao Zhan told Portrait magazine that he has always felt that freedom and self are neutral words. In the past, he may have cared more about other people's judgments, but now he hopes to listen to his own voice. "Destiny is uncontrollable, but what is controllable is oneself."

The so-called freedom means having the ability to control one's own destiny. Whether fast or slow, leisurely or galloping, it is all up to him. The reins are not in the hands of anyone else, but in Xiao Zhan's hands.

In November 2024, Xiao Zhan released his first music album "We", one of which has a song called "Don't Look Back". The MV of that song is like this: In the dim city ruins, a beam of light hits Xiao Zhan. He passes through the black tunnel, through the lightning, and comes to a winding spiral walkway. The walkway extends all the way to the sky above the city. He keeps running forward, crossing the broken steps, with sand and stones swirling around him. He doesn't look back, nor does he stop.

This scene is very similar to Xiao Zhan’s past five years. He always looks at the road under his feet and keeps striding forward.

When he took over " Patient No. 5 " 5 years ago , he said that he wanted to find an answer. Five years later, we asked him, had he found the answer?

"There is no answer. I have given up looking for the answer. There are not so many whys in life. Just do it and live in the present." Xiao Zhan replied.

Regarding this, Xiao Zhan also mentioned a small matter to "Portrait".

In early summer of 2019, he was filming in the mountains. It was very dark at night and he couldn't see anything. Suddenly, a huge sky lantern rose in the sky. It was the sky lantern used by the crew for lighting. "It was very, very big, like a hot air balloon." It was the first time he saw such a big sky lantern in his life. He also felt a kind of guidance, walking towards the light and not looking back. That day, he took a picture of the sky lantern, added six words, and posted it on the social platform. In the past five years, this moment often reminded him - "Don't look back, forever."

-END

[msmysticfail]

Sun in the houses

✩Sun in the 7th house✩

Sun in the 7th house are generally very well-liked and popular people. A Sun in the 7th house cares a lot about others, as it's in others that they assert themselves. They are people who need to be close to others, whether with their close friends, their family, or their romantic interest.

Because the other person's opinion is so important to them, they can sometimes be shaken by what other people think of them. They are people who are generally always well-groomed and presentable because they like to make a good impression.

In the work environment, they are people who generally have many friends and colleagues and are always aware of all the gossip that is going on. They are pleasant, lighthearted people who generally do not have a fixed opinion about something or someone, but they usually can make friends easily. They don't like arguments, or they try to minimize them as much as possible. They have a good style in general and they love to receive compliments.

I am a reflection of the other person: this may be their unconscious motto. They always want to be accompanied, preferring to go out with someone. Romantic relationships generally have a great importance in their life, since love, affection, romance and the well-being that the other can provide to them are things that are good for the Sun in the 7th house.

✩Sun in the 8th house✩

People with the Sun in the 8th house are profound, you may think you know them, but in reality you only know what they let you know. They are observant people, before acting they observe everything around them, almost always going unnoticed. Because they have this type of nature, these people generally have an arsenal of information about the people around them and, with that, this is where the Sun in the 8th House stands out, as they have a ace up in their sleeves to deal with both their friends and enemies.

This silent observation usually extends to the work environment, where the person generally knows how to influence or even exercise control over their colleagues or subordinates.

People in this house generally go through long periods of emotional retreats, just like the 4th house, however these retreats are focused on oneself, on one's soul. They are constantly changing their emotional and psychic skin, they need to get rid of old emotional baggage and open up to new things, as this house also talks about Scorpio, a sign that governs detachment and symbolic death.

These people tend to act silently in the "dark", as they don't like others knowing what they do or don't do.

With a deep and fixed concentration, when they are interested in something or someone, these people put all their focus on finding out everything about it. For the 8th house, no information is enough, they always want to know more. With great intensity and vitality, they are magnetic people, who know how to attract others, stirring them up.

✩Sun in the 9th house✩

These people take great pleasure in being in contact with knowledge, whether it be expanding their mind and soul through readings, colleges, seminars, or even taking trips that can enhance their spirit. They are people who have a need for questioning, seeking to understand society and the world through large lenses, which is why they often seek religion or greater contact with the divine, through practices such as meditation or yoga.

They love moving around the city where they live, the wider they get to know it, the better, generally they have already seen most of the state they live in. They are people who are generally light, not attached to others or to intense emotions, they generally only cling to what they believe in, as they need a motto to live by.

These people generally exude lightness, always bringing a smile on their face or making a joke to their group of friends. They probably have a travel itinerary programmed somewhere in their mind, because contact with the outside world, something that is greater than what they already know on a daily basis, is very important for a sun in the 9th house.

They are also people who seek justice, since they spend so much time philosophizing about life and the things that surround it. Professions that involve law, travel, other cultures are excellent for them.

✩Sun in the 10th house✩

These people need to feel useful. Their goals, no matter what they are, are very important to them. Because they are at the top of the zodiac wheel, in one way or another these people attract attention, whether at work, at home as a figure that everyone admires, or in their community. The10th house is about the collective, the social, society in general and these people shine for the collective. A Sun in the 10th house has a strong but cold light, in the sense that they have a rational mind, which calculates all strategies before acting on their purpose.

Ambition and focus are the two words that define the people of this house, no matter how hard things may be, this person will move forward with their ambitions, preferring to fail while trying rather than never trying and failing. They are generally very strong people, they can handle more than most people can. These people real enemies are their fear of failure and their arrogance. If they listen to it then they will probably stop presenting themselves to society out of fear of failing, of not being good enough, and if they listen to their arrogance they can and will, over time, lose their brilliant charm, since everyone can clearly see who they truly are, since the 10th house is the highest house and the sun shining here shows everything to everyone.

Romance, friendship, calm and peace can take second or third place, being successful in their life is one of the most important thing for them, no matter the cost.

✩Sun in the 11th house✩

They care about the collective, they are usually people who are volunteering, whatever the cause, they are generally recycling their trash, using sustainable food and clothing. Because they see society as their home, it's very important to them to feel included in it.

They are cool, intelligent, political and critical. You can't change the opinion of a Sun in the 11th house, unless you're smarter than them, but they can change yours. They are people who communicate well, they know how to win people over through their ability to argue and debate.

As this is a cold house, governed by the Air element, they tend not to get attached to emotions or people, as everything tends to flow in this house. They are not really interested in trying to keep someone in their life, unless other aspects say otherwise, they let things come and go freely, and generally expect the same from people, as they hate feeling trapped, contained.

They are people who think a lot about the future, always having a project in mind for 10 or 20 years from now. The interesting thing is that they don't just care about their future only but about the future of the collective as well.

A Sun in the 11th house is liked by many, they're important to people, be it their friends, their online network, their community, etc. They have their tribe but they also moves around others, without necessarily getting attached.

These are people who love to have some connection with electronics, the internet, in general.

✩Sun in the 12th house✩

With a gigantic intuitive capacity, people who have the Sun in this house are generally able to see people's intentions, generally understanding their motives too, even if it's bad. Focused on their emotional and inner life, just like the 4th and 8th house, these people spend more time in their heads than they actually do in the world around them. They are quiet, usually a whole universe of intricate thoughts are going on in their head, so it can seem like these people are not really present. When they are present it's for a short time, as they prefer to be physically present, but mentally absent, generally. When they are present they are observant, preferring to listen, absorbing what the other person has to say, which is why they are great listeners.

They need time alone, it is essential that a Sun in the 12th house finds space to be alone with themselves, or they feel drained and worn out.

In the work environment, unless other aspects indicate, they do not have a very strong presence, preferring to follow orders, not questioning too much. It is vital that these people can transcend the mundane day-to-day life with some solace in the arts, be it music, cinema, literature, etc.

They may suffer from health problems if their body does not obey a certain level of rest and relaxation.

They are artistically gifted, whether they know it or not. Use and abuse the arts, write, dance, free yourself and you will find a precious outlet to deal with your day-to-day life in a more practical and centered way.

[star-anise]

The thing about "parents' rights" and "protect the children [from hearing that other ways of life than ours are possible and okay]" is that it is literally, in the purest sense of the word, patriarchy.

The word literally means "rule by the fathers". We're generally used to hearing it describe how adult women can be dominated by adult men. However, that's not where patriarchy ends; feminists have been less eager to address how within that system, women can exercise power and domination of their own through the traditional gender roles of motherhood. Their maternal rights to power and dominance may have traditionally been lesser than paternal ones, but they were never less than their minor children's. Even single-mother or female-only families can be, in this sense, patriarchal.

Patriarchal families are a complex system that grants parents complete legal and practical control over nearly every aspect of their children's lives. The patriarchal family controls where the child lives, who takes care of them, what rules they have to follow, how they are educated, who they associate with, what healthcare they receive, what religion they practice, and whether they can work or control any money they earn or that is given to or for them.

Normally discussions of patriarchy are a lot more abstract. But right now it's very concrete and real: we are fighting to limit the family's control over children on issues where we can observe that families sometimes tend to make decisions that are bad for the children's welfare or that disrespect their human rights.

Whether a minor child can get an abortion. Whether they can receive gender-affirming care. Whether it's okay to lie or coerce your child to ensure they follow your religion. Whether they deserve to be educated about factual histories or scientific theories that are necessary to understanding the world around them. Whether they deserve to learn accurate, age-appropriate information about consent, setting boundaries, how their bodies and the bodies of other people work, what a normal range of gender and sexual identities look like, what healthy or unhealthy relationships look like, and what sex is, how it works, what its positives and negatives are, and how they might navigate the world, whether or not they ever want to have it.

Hell, on some levels we're still arguing about whether it's okay to hit your kids, or whether children have the right, similar to the rights adults have, not to be assaulted or abused.

Because there are a LOT of people who say: No. Parents should have 100% control over any or all of those issues. If the parent says no, the child is not allowed to do or have any of those things, and nobody else should be allowed to interfere and provide them to the child without their parents' consent.

Pointing this out often results in parents saying, "Oh, so you want just ANYONE to be able to go up and talk sex with kids? You want kids to be able to decide to jump off cliffs with nobody stopping them???" As though parents are the single protective force in the universe, the only thing standing between their child and the ravages of absolute chaos.

On the contrary: most of the time the argument is for children to receive care and guidance from adults who are monitored to ensure they treat children in safe and appropriate ways, who have spent many years studying the best and most rigorously tested of our collective understanding of how to prepare children for happy, healthy lives.

And we are arguing against people who believe that the only important qualification needed to refuse children that kind of care is to be ranked above them in their family hierarchy.

In conclusion...

Fuck the patriarchy. Children have human rights too.

[musubi-sama]

Rainy Day Dropoff

How some of our favorite JJK men would handle a little downpour and getting your toddler off to daycare.

A/N: The bike in question is in the header image, a standard mamachari. The kid seat sits over the front forks, they're really easy to ride and control, especially if you have a battery-powered one. I love mine. I also deeply abhor morning drop-off when it's raining. Pickup is fun because puddles and playtime!

WC: 844

The morning drop-off, a routine you and your toddler have down to a science, a well-oiled machine. You leave the house at the same time every day, say “bye bye, papa!” and the two of you toddle over to your mamachari. It’s a nice ride through the neighborhood over to daycare. Peaceful, quiet, a lovely time to teach your child about what they see and listen to their adorable attempts to repeat your words.

But this morning, it’s pouring rain with no signs of stopping. You steel yourself for the wet trip there and back, knowing that despite a rain poncho, a hat, and hood, you always come back giving your best drenched cat impression.

Ah, but your dear husband has heard your grumbling and decided to handle the drop off today.

Nanami Kento - Kento wakes up first and sees the weather. Immediately, he adjusted his morning routine to get both him and your toddler out the door and into both daycare and work successfully and on time. He doesn’t often do drop-offs, but he knows how much you hate going out in the rain. Pulling out his waterproof hiking and rain boots, he sits by the door, and you watch little hands grab the tops of his boots as he tugs them on with exaggerated effort. You help both put their raincoats and helmets on (most adults eschew a helmet, but not your husband!) and see them out the door.

Kento quickly gets everyone situated on the bike under the parking space cover and sets off cautiously. Once at daycare, he sits your toddler on the spacious porch and runs back to zip up the rain cover on the bike seat, ensuring it stays dry for pickup in the afternoon. Luckily, your usually energetic toddler stays put under the overhang instead of bolting off. Dropoff is quick, everyone stays dry, and no accidental wet feet after taking off their boots and storing for the afternoon return trip.

Suguru Geto - Suguru checked the weather in advance and set his alarm slightly early to make sure he could get the bike moved over to a dry spot closer to the front door of the apartment building. Once everyone is out the door, he grabs an extra umbrella to provide extra coverage. Not a drop on either him nor your toddler as he gets them situated in their seat and the rain cover zipped down. He makes sure to draw a little flower in the fog forming on the plastic window. Hitting every puddle just to pull laughs from your toddler along the short journey.

Pulling out the extra umbrella at daycare, again a quick and dry transfer into the daycare. He repeats the routine at pickup and even brings a set of rain pants to let the little one splash around and remain dry before returning home.

Satoru Gojo - Satoru sees the rain and calls Ijichi to drive you and your toddler into daycare. On a normal, dry day he doesn’t mind you biking the kids in. Even though everyone else arrives by car, you insisted that you use your mamachari. It’s a gentle exercise, the view is stunning (especially in the spring while riding along the sakura-lined river), and the two of you strike up adorable conversations about what you each see. But in this weather, you easily relent and hop in the car.

Hiromi Higuruma - Your dear Hiromi has the best of intentions, both in boots, but oops the jacket is forgotten because it’s warm outside. The bike is parked under cover, sure, but there’s a hole in the roof drainage right next to the bike, exactly in the spot he needs to stand in to put your toddler in their seat. While the ride is quick, his poncho hood flies off his head immediately, the wind buffeting you both. And despite his best efforts, he hit a few puddles along the way. At least someone finds them fun.

Once he arrives, he quickly grabs the bag of clothes and daily supplies and reaches into the seat, picking up the almost-2-year-old. As soon as he places them standing on the ground he hears-

“Papa, shoe! Papa, shoe!”

“Shit, ah fuck, I mean, sorry!” failing to control his language knowing that that little toddler brain will absolutely pick up on those words and use it later. He looks down to see a little one-footed hop and a missing boot. Ah ha, it was in the bike seat. Quickly, but not fast enough, he manages to stuff the little, wet, foot back into the boot.

He picks up the bag and toddler and jogs over to the front patio at daycare. Shedding his poncho and punching in the door code, he sits your toddler down to take off boots and socks. And then he notices how wet the front of your toddler’s clothes is. Right, wet poncho. After handing them off to the staff, he just gives a lopsided smile as they look over the wet patches on the toddler, running to see their friends.

[happilychee]

fairy tail dragon slayer headcanons pt. 1

♡ what the first gen and second gen dragon slayers eat is pretty self-explanatory. all of their elements are... somewhat tangible. sting and rogue though? they're still figuring it out. rogue wonders if he can eat someone else's shadow, and sting immediately volunteers himself. "for science!" he says. the result is that sting almost passes out. oops. he insists they try on their friends, much to rogue's displeasure. the results are that sting is the most susceptible, then yukino, rufus, orga, and minerva is the least susceptible to magic drainage. sting insists rogue tries to eat an inanimate object's shadow, and nothing happens to it, so they decide that's the way to go.

♡ when wendy eats air, the oxygen levels thin. she has to be careful or she'll cause her allies and enemies alike to pass out. when sting eats light, the area gets darker and darker. this is great for rogue, who starts eating the shadows, and they manage to balance each other out.

♡ sting insists that different types of light taste differently. his favorite is light from golden hour, right when the sun is dipping below the horizon. moonlight will do in a pinch, but it's so diluted that it takes way more of it to recover sting's magic. he also gets sick if he eats too much moonlight.

♡ pantherlily already has transformation magic and enhanced strength, and carla learns to transform so she can help wendy fight. the other three exceeds feel... a little left out. happy learns how to fly faster and for longer (though he still complains about lucy being heavy). lector goes to porlyusica and wendy to learn some stamina regeneration spells for sting. everyone is surprised when frosch, completely on their own, manages to learn an adorable light spell that creates floating pink bubbles. rogue can consume the shadows from them without worrying about draining frosch's magic, and he spends the entire afternoon crying about it.

♡ dragon slayers are a bit like crows. their way of bonding with someone is through gifting trinkets. natsu will bring lucy, erza, and even gray pretty rocks or seashells that he's found on jobs. wendy picks up a new craft or hobby every week, so the members of fairy tail are constantly recieving handmade accessories from her (gajeel helps during the metalsmithing phase). gajeel does not buy cute things for people. he is like a dad in the fact that, when juvia mentions she wants watermelon, he buys her 20 watermelons. walking math problem fr.

♡ laxus has mixed feelings about his more draconic features and habits. he's never loved his magic because of the way he got it, and the memory of his father basically torturing him as he inserted the lacrima will stay with him forever. he tends to suppress dragon instincts more than anyone else in the group, and they all scold him for it. on a rare occasion, laxus will give in and buy something shiny (like a hairclip) for wendy. she has a little jewelry box for them that she guards fiercely.

♡ cobra considers himself more of a flying snake than a dragon. he once drew a picture that sent everyone into a laughing fit. he prefers to stick with the old oración seis crew, but the guild dragon slayers are always happy to see him when he stops by with crime sorcière.

♡ sting, because of his heightened senses and his affinity for light, prefers nighttime. the day can often be overwhelming, and overexposure to bright settings and lots of people leaves his skin buzzing. he likes to sit in the dim guild hall, leaning against the cool stone wall, as the chatter of the crowd quiets down with the setting sun.

♡ dragon slayers all have the Bite instinct. some exercise a degree of control about it, and others go crazy with it. wendy will very gently nibble on erza or mira's arm when she's in the mood, and sometimes she does it absentmindedly. natsu, on the other hand, is an absolute menace. multiple of erza's armor sets have natsu-shaped bite marks on them. he tends to go after her the most because he knows he won't hurt her with the armor. when natsu's more calmed down, he will chomp on lucy's shoulder. gajaeel copes by eating all of fairy tail's silverware (mira starts buying ceramic spoons), but when levy offers her wrist to him he can't help it.

♡ rogue is another one who doesn't really bite people. he, very rarely, nips at frosch's ears, which causes the exceed to giggle. sting is a Biter like natsu, but with slightly more decorum. he really wants to go at it but will restrain himself because most people aren't willing to be treated like a chew toy. luckily for him, gray and cana aren't most people! because they both wear pretty exposing clothing, gray and cana have no qualms about showing off sting's bite marks on their skin. sting always turns bright red when they tease him about it.

♡ laxus and cobra don't really feel the Bite instinct due to being second gen, but cobra is a little shit and bites people for the fun of it. laxus is completely unbothered when natsu clings to him like a koala and gnaws at him.

[fxckn-sxck-fr]

Plsplsplsplspskspsls do that dc hyper sexual reader but with more dom reader I will owe you my life 😭😭🙏🙏🫡🫡

𝐃𝐂 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐃𝐎𝐌 𝐇𝐘𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑…

!!! 18+ THEMES, GN reader, masochistic themes, Clark has a breeding kink fosho, bratty behaviors, daddy/mommy kink mentioned, Jaime getting trapped in a sexually toxic relationship, obligatory freaky Tim warning.

HEEEHEEEHEEEEEEEE. Lowkey, this was actually a really interesting thought exercise. I think I learned today that I view (most of) my DC men as doms while (most of) my Marvel men are submissive and breedable. Dick’s part was especially hard for me because he’s my comfort dom… if that makes sense. But I think I pulled through with a little bit of imagination. Had lots of fun with this!

Again, this is operating under the assumption that you’ll at least let them help you out when you need it. Like… even if you absolutely hate their guts, you’ll at least call a truce when you need it. A necessary evil kind of thing.

Bruce Wayne: Definitely has a love-hate relationship with your hypersexuality. The chances of him getting his work done have plummeted to, like, -3,000% when there’s a spike in your sex drive. But, you know, that’s not for a lack of trying; Bruce is a stubborn man, and despite his focus rapidly devolving from how good you’re making him feel, he’ll still try to remain productive. It’s actually kind of cute to see his eyes cross while he rereads some random document over and over again. Hey, here’s a tip: want to get yan Bruce in the mood? Smack him around a bit. This man will instantly fold and let you do whatever the hell you want until you’re satisfied. This is honestly a good thing to know about subby yan Bruce in general, just so you can maintain control.

Clark Kent: My certified house-husband hunk. He loves when he gets home from work and you pounce on him like a hungry lion. If darling pookie pie needs to release some sexual frustrations, he’ll instantly drop to his knees and get to work. Take him however the hell you want, as long as he can stare at you with that same dopey grin he always gets when he’s near you. Really good at following orders. Can’t disobey you if he tried. Now, even if you aren’t fully accepting of his love, y’all already know his delusional ass thinks you’re finally madly in love with him. Why else would you have your hands all over him? You obviously want to marry him now! This man would get pregnant for you if he had the means to. I’m a breeding kink Clark truther, so… breed that man.

Dick Grayson: Bro is a certified brat. He’ll play mind games with you, wearing certain clothes and touching you ever so slightly, just to get you riled up enough so you finally fuck him. Whenever he’s horny, you bet your ass he’s taking advantage of your heightened sexuality, and might honestly be subtle about it enough so you never realize you’re falling into his trap. Yes, he’s playing you like a fiddle, but does it really matter when he’s the one whimpering in the end? Yeah, didn’t think so. Count your blessing, y’all. Don’t worry, he’ll still let you hit even if he didn’t wake up in the mood. Just the thought of you yearning for him is enough to get him bricked up (what a perfectly pathetic man). You better fucking cuddle with him afterwards. That’s not up for negotiation.

Hal Jordan: Horny bottom bitch Hal Jordan, save me. Save me, horny sub Hal Jordan. Bro is desperate for you. He’ll do anything to get your attention, and if that means acting like the biggest brat known to man, then so be it. You’ll probably have to punish him so often. Does he ever learn? No. But, hey, it’s worth a shot. His inherent neediness will do your hypersexuality no favors. Y’all gonna be fucking like rabbits 24/7. Sorry not sorry. And if I say sub Hal Jordan has a daddy/mommy kink— PUT YOUR GUNS DOWN. LET ME TALK. He’s definitely gonna be calling you that shit in public. Doesn’t matter who’s around, he likes letting other people know he’s yours. Still definitely a biter, so if you don’t like that, you’re gonna have to have a strong grip on his jaw or throat while y’all go at it. Just some friendly advice!

Harvey Dent: Poor Two Face does not want anything to do with you and Harvey’s sex life. He’d be absolutely appalled by the idea of you turning Harvey into your little bitch. Harvey, on the other hand? I can definitely see him secretly yearning for someone to take control. Your heightened sexuality would probably be the escape he needs, so it totally works for him! Loves to get on his knees for you. Want him to go down on you for hours? Whatever you want! Insert meme about lawyer doing his work lying on his bed like a school girl here. And here you have Two Face muttering shit like, “dawg… have some dignity.” Shut that side of Dent up by grabbing his titties, you won’t regret it. If you think it’s weird that a notorious criminal will easily melt in the hands of his obsession, then you’ve clearly never been to Gotham.

Jaime Reyes: MY PUPPY. MY SWEET LITTLE PUPPY. Even if sex-stuff makes him nervous, he’s so eager to please you. The thought of you actually needing him makes him want to cry… he might be a freak with a murderous Jiminy Cricket attached to his spine, but at least he can be of some use to you!! Expect him to form an unhealthy relationship with sex. Because it’s the only time he feels truly desired, he’ll let you do whatever the fuck you want to him, even if it means losing his own sense of agency. I’d say it couples nicely with his uphill battle against Khaji Da. Now there are two opposing sides vying for control over his brain: the crazy bug and his innate desire to belong to something (or someone). Play your cards right and you’ll reduce Jaime to nothing more than a dumb little puppy who just wants to please you!

Tim Drake: I basically already summed up this creep’s deal in the general version. I’m sorry, but no one can convince me Tim Drake has an ounce of dominance in his system. He’s just way too whiny and desperate to have any sexual control over his darling. Also, keep in mind that bro is 100% out freaking-you in the freak-off. Don’t you fucking dare feel ashamed about your hypersexuality because Tim is way worse than you could ever dream be. Did you accidentally slam his foot in a car door? Bricked up. Looked at him with a neutral expression? He’s about to bust. Pointed at something while you were talking? Please let him lick your fingers. He’s been a nasty girl, except nobody gonna match his freak. Good luck trying.

Wally West: Another example of a yandere who’s lowkey in control of your spikes in horniness, but you’re still the one calling the shots in the bedroom. Surprisingly kind of sweet? Like, you’d think he’d tease you about it, but here he is saying shit like, “it’s okay to touch me when you need it, you know.” Of course, this is him obviously pretending to be some sort of martyr when he’s inwardly over the fucking moon. I just want you to quickly imagine him gently taking your hand into his, giving it a chaste kiss and then planting it around his neck as he looks at you with hooded eyes. You know, for science. It’s very important to me that everyone knows how sensual he would be while he tries to convince you to fuck him silly. Totally normal behavior!

[youremyheaven]

Mars, Sex & Celibacy

i have wanted to make this post for a long time and this may probably be my last post of 2023. (edit: this is my first post of 2024 lol)

earlier i had briefly mentioned about Mars and its relationship with celibacy and sex.

I had spoken about how Mars makes the native crave carnality and not sensuality. Its also telling how Mars is associated with impulsiveness, fieriness and passion but Mars also makes natives prone to abstinence, restraint and reluctance.

Mars is often interpreted to be explosive with its energy but while that may be the case in other areas, when it comes to sex and relationships, these natives have a tendency to restrain themselves a lot. This could be due to many different reasons. ive noticed a tendency for many natives to self reject or co-opt out of the system instead of playing it at all because they're afraid of being rejected or not being good enough (Mars influence and even disproportionate Venus influence can manifest as deformity/ugliness or make someone feel like they're not good enough) but a strong Mars can manifest differently. Mars is the soldier and is the planet of aggression, therefore they tend to be natural leaders and leaders are ones who set the standard for others, they naturally think of others as being a few rungs below them since they're always on command mode.

Mars is the master however, so Mars influence makes a native exercise immense self control. Its VERY easy for them to shun certain things and abstain entirely. Mars natives are very disciplined and are almost Saturnian (a good/stabilized Saturn influence that is) in terms of their work ethic. Its interesting because even though Saturn is associated with hard work, discipline etc it often manifests as laziness, sluggishness etc because the extremes of anything is a meeting point with its opposite. They are prone to feeling burnt out.

Adriana Lima, Mrigashira Sun, Chitra Moon was a virgin until she was 27 years old and married.

She was a bikini model since she was a teenager but she chose to abstain from sex until she was married. I'm not saying the two are contradictory but its unusual in the sense that its not something that's expected from someone in her position as one of the sexiest women alive.

random observation but Mars rules over eyebrows and gives its natives very thick lush eyebrows with no arch that are a standout feature and thick dark eyebrows are considered a sign of sexual maturity which makes sense consider the over sexualization of Mars natives

Brooke Shields, has Mrigashira Moon & Venus as well as Rohini Sun (Rohini & Mrigashira have similar themes and often manifest as incestual/sexual abuse, stalking, obsession etc in the lives of its natives).

She was pushed into acting and fame by her abusive, controlling mother at a young age and was very sexualized by the public and media even as a child. She has talked about how obsessed her mother was with her and how she remained a virgin until she was 22years old despite being a hugely renowned sex symbol for most of her life.

Drew Barrymore, Mrigashira Rising

Drew grew up with a mother who was obsessive & controlling with her and almost grew up too fast before turning to a playful and childlike personality as an adult.

She also spoke about how she's been celibate since her 2016 divorce. She also underwent a breast reduction in her 20s because she did not like being sexualized by men.

This interview where Drew & Brooke talk about their mothers is so Mrigashira coded, its especially telling when Brooke says that despite everything they've been through neither of them emerged from it "jaded" or "angry".

I've noticed this with a lot of Mrigashira natives, they have very playful, happy go lucky personalities despite all the abuse and trauma they've endured.

There is an unhappy pattern in the lives of many Mrigashira natives of having been subject to incestual abuse or sexual abuse as children.

Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen have Mrigashira Sun and although there is no actual evidence of it, there are many speculations as to whether they were subject to abuse as children and their subsequent withdrawal from public life as adults only added fuel to the rumours.

Many child stars who gain notoriety or are sexualized from a very young age tend to have Mrigashira placements or other Mars ruled naks in their big 3.

Judy Garland, Mrigashira Sun & Mercury

It is very well known how she was exploited by her mother who gave her "performer pills" to keep her awake and then to help her sleep, all before she turned 10 years old.

Shirley Temple, the OG child star had Mrigashira Moon, she was severely abused, exploited and overworked since childhood.

Natalie Portman has Mrigashira Sun and she's talked about how being sexualized as a child made her relationship with her sexuality very fraught.

“Being sexualised as a child, I think, took away from my own sexuality because it made me afraid and it made me like the way I could be safe was to be like, ‘I’m conservative,’ and ‘I’m serious and you should respect me,’ and ‘I’m smart,’ and ‘Don’t look at me that way.'”- Natalie Portman

Many famous women and men who have either very few sexual partners or lose their virginities later in life or wait until marriage often have Mars ruled nakshatras.

Tina Fey lost her virginity at the age of 24 to the man who would become her husband. She has Chitra Moon

Jessica Alba, Dhanishta Moon said this:

"I didn't really [seriously] go out with any guys until I was 18 and met my ex-fiancé, Michael Weatherly,"

"It just didn't work out. I was so young, 18, when I started dating him. I was a virgin. I knew I wanted to be in love with the first person I slept with, because for almost everyone I knew, the first experience made them feel like shit," she continued. "So I wanted to be really careful that he was going to be in love with me and wasn't just going to leave me."

Celine Dion, Ketu in Chitra lost her virginity to her husband Rene Angelil.

Courteney Cox, Mrigashira Sun, lost her virginity at the age of 21

Another nakshatra(s) that I've often noticed coming up in the charts of many people who are sexually conservative or have traditional values is Punarvasu and Pushya.

Tamera Mowry waited until she was 29 to have sex and then felt guilty about it and was celibate until she got married. She has Punarvasu Sun (amatyakaraka) and Jupiter in Punarvasu (atmakaraka) along with Moon & Mercury in Pushya

Miranda Kerr, Punarvasu Moon & Pushya Rising dated her now husband for 3 years before marrying him and they waited until they were married to have sex.

"Not until after we get married," she said "He is very traditional. We can't … I mean we're just … waiting."

Jennifer Lawrence, Mrigashira Moon has said this:

"I always talk like I want d---, but the truth is when I look back at my sexual past it was always with boyfriends," the actress told The Sun. "I am mostly also a germaphobe. I have made it this far without an STI. D--- is dangerous. If I was at the point where I could get an STI, doctors have already been involved. That is how much of a germaphobe I am."

She has admitted to never having had casual sex and has often been subject to stalking, and following the leak of her private pictures, she's talked about how violated she feels about the whole experience. All of these are themes that manifest in the lives of many Mrigashira natives.

Jessica Simpson, Punarvasu Sun & Mercury was a virgin until she married her husband Nick Lachey when she was 21

Justin Bieber, Chitra Moon, Dhanishta Mercury & Mars went through a period of celibacy and waited until marriage to have sex with Hailey.

“[God] doesn’t ask us not to have sex for him because he wants rules and stuff. He’s like, I’m trying to protect you from hurt and pain. I think sex can cause a lot of pain. Sometimes people have sex because they don’t feel good enough. Because they lack self-worth. Women do that, and guys do that. I wanted to rededicate myself to God in that way because I really felt it was better for the condition of my soul. And I believe that God blessed me with Hailey as a result,”

Kevin Jonas, Mercury & Mars in Chitra was a virgin until he married his wife when he was 20.

Lady Gaga, Mrigashira Rising once said:

"I don’t really have sex. I’m quite celibate now," she went on, "I don’t really get time to meet anyone. don’t trust anybody. And I don’t know if I ever will. But it’s okay. It’s the trade-off."

While revealing that she was 'perpetually lonely' when it comes to relationships, Gaga also understood that it's her 'condition as an artist'.

"I also think I’m afraid of depleting my energy. I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina."

the story of Rapunzel is intricately connected to Mrigashira.

we're familiar with how Rapunzel is held captive in a tower with an evil witch pretending to be her mother gaslighting her into thinking the outside world isn't safe enough for her to navigate, the myth behind Mrigashira nakshatra is of how Brahma tries to have an incestuous relationship with his favourite daughter Rohini who tries to escape this by leaving heaven behind and coming down to earth and taking the form of a deer. This deer is Mrigashira.

due to this background, Mrigashira natives often spend their lives running from things or feeling like they're being chased. Being gaslit is also (unfortunately) a big theme because they're running away from their home where they were being abused and its looked down upon as them misbehaving or causing trouble because its considered taboo to run away from your home. even though they're the victim they're constantly gaslit into thinking otherwise. this is the reason why so many Mrigashira natives stay in abusive relationships/homes for far too long.

in Tangled, Rapunzel is voiced by Mandy Moore who is Mrigashira Rising

In an interview, Brooke Shields, Mrigashira Moon said about her mom : “Even while I was [making the films] she did this high-wire act of protecting me, like Rapunzel in a tower,” Shields says. “So I was able to stay naive. It was a constant contradiction.”

she also interestingly played an obsessive stalker in an episode of Friends,

in the movie A Beautiful Mind, Jennifer Connelly, Mrigashira Moon plays the wife of an economist with schizophrenia. She initially believes that his hallucinations are real and only learns of his condition much later and even though her and her baby's safety is under threat she still chooses to stay by his side and support him.

Jim Carrey, Mrigashira Moon plays the titular Truman in the movie The Truman Show where a man unbeknownst to him is a character on a show that is telecast to the world.

Being gaslit and struggling to fully understand the nature of reality is a common theme in the lives of many Mrigashira natives.

Returning to the theme of how sexualized Martian women tend to be, here are several examples:

They tend to be so sexualized by others that they feel cut off from their sexuality themselves, i.e, it does not feel safe to indulge in pleasure.

Jennifer Lawrence, Mrigashira Moon

"Anybody can go look at my naked body without my consent, any time of the day,” she says. “Somebody in France just published them. My trauma will exist forever.” She shakes it off with a wincing grin. “Have you ever wanted to be an actress?”

Pamela Anderson, Mrigashira Rising

Her sextape was stolen from her house and circulated widely and later on a biopic about her and Tommy was made which portrayed her in the worst possible light. She has been deprived of autonomy over her own narrative.

Another thing to keep in mind is how Mrigashira is the only Deva gana nak among the Mars ruled nak, both Chitra & Dhanishta are Rakshasa gana and as such they feel little shame or guilt in owning and embracing all aspects of their sexuality.

Here's an example of Amber Rose, Chitra Sun who was similarly sexualized and slut shamed by the media and she had a vastly different response that some of the above mentioned women who sort of went incognito and dialled down on things:

"I just got to a point where people were saying: “She’s sex, she’s a slut, she’s a ho, she’s this, she’s that…” and I thought, okay, well I’m going to piss you off even more and come out with a sex toy line. There you go people, you can have that. You get to a point where you literally can’t give a shit and live your best life."

Kim Cattrall, Dhanishta moon

“It was so much fun to leave behind this kind of sexual icon thing. I was so ready to shed it. I’ve been sexualised since a very early part of my career. I understand it, I’ve made it work for me, but I’ve always felt that I’m a character actress stuck inside a leading lady’s body. Now, I feel like I am doing my best work.”

Look at how different their responses are in comparison to many Mrigashira natives.

Many Martian women attain fame and notoriety for their bodies and sex appeal

Kate Upton, Sun & Venus in Mrigashira

Marilyn Monroe was Dhanishta Moon

Kat Dennings, Mrigashira Sun

Dita Von Teese, Mrigashira Moon

Claudia Schiffer, Mrigashira Moon

Candace Swanepoel, Chitra Sun

Ashley Graham, Dhanishta Moon

Denise Richards, Dhanishta Sun

Ariel Winter, Dhanishta Moon

Carrie Fisher, Chitra Sun

Jennifer Garner, Mrigashira Moon

In 2013, Jennifer gave a testimony to the California legislature about her experience and urged them to pass a bill that would grant children some protections from paparazzi. That bill ultimately passed. She has talked extensively about being stalked and how she lives with a lot of anxiety because of it.

Sandra Bullock, Dhanishta Moon , with Mrigashira stellium (inc Rising) experienced a horrifying home invasion in 2014 when a stalker broke into her house. He killed himself in 2018. She's had multiple stalkers and has chosen to live a very lowkey life to protect the privacy and safety of herself and her family.

Nadya Suleman better known as Octomum is a Dhanishta Rising and became notorious for her brief tryst with porn stardom and posing nude along with working as a stripper after initially becoming infamous for having octuplets.

Janis Joplin, Dhanishta Rising grew up in a conservative household and ran away to San Francisco as an adult where she entered a relationship with a man who soon left her. As he was walking away from her, Janis literally grabbed his leg and was dragged along the way. At that very moment, she decided she would never again beg for love.

“I’d’ve fucked anything, taken anything…I did. I’d take it, suck it, lick it, smoke it, shoot it, drop it, fall in love with it….”

"My music isn’t supposed to make you wanna riot! My music is supposed to make you wanna fuck!”

I mention these two as examples for how Dhanishta natives are examples of the type of Martian women who don't feel guilty about their desires or urges and refuse to be shamed for it; they may be hypersexual or chaste but they do not let others tell them what to do.

......................

This post is a bit all over the place but I hope you'll excuse that, I wanted to talk about the relationship with sex, sexuality (among other things) that Mars natives have, I feel like went into several different tangents but :/

I hope this was informative and interesting.

Happy New Year!! <333

[globalrebrand]

Divus Crewel Not Sfw Alphabet

A = Aftercare  (what they’re like after sex)

Crewel is attentive with aftercare because chances are, in your little session he demanded a lot from you, submission, devotion, enthusiasm, vigor etc. After all Crewel's favorites are those who are willing to put in the extra work to get results. He'll praise your determination as he caresses you tenderly, his demeanor isn't soft by any stretch of the imagination, he seldom lets himself get too vulnerable, but he becomes admiring of your tenacity and grace.

B = Body part  (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Crewel is a big fan of his partner's neck and back. If Crewel ever comes and puts his hand on the nap of your neck it means he wants your full attention. It's to the point now where you're basically conditioned, you could be mid-conversation but if you feel his hand slide across your shoulder to settle on your nape, you just stop talking and look at him. The satisfaction this reaction gives him is immeasurable. He loves to have you prostrated before him on your knees as he kisses up your back. You bowed before him patiently is the most alluring sign of your obedience.

Crewel likes his arms and hands most as they are the instruments through which he exercises control and shapes his lover into the ultimate tool of pleasure. And of course he uses them to give pleasure, strong arms pinning you down, deft fingers teasing you to completion. Teaching is all about guiding with a firm hand and providing encouragement, but also doling out punishment when requires.

C = Cum  (anything to do with cum, basically)

If he's not coming inside of you, he's a fan of coming in your mouth or on your sex. Seeing his spend on your tongue or dribbling down your most sensitive areas stirs his feelings of ownership, (of course anywhere else you're his equal...sort of) like he's staking his claim on your lips and tender areas.

D = Dirty secret  (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He also finds certain aspects of urophilia piss play (on his partner, definitely not on him) intriguing.

E = Experience  (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

A whore. The years he spent in the fashion industry included a variety of debaucherous nights with very beautiful people. Often more than one at a time, hedonistic and throughly physically gratifying. Crewel is slightly ashamed to admit that he hasn't really had a proper partner. An extended fling for months or so, a preferred partner for play but certainly not an equal or lover that, seven forbid, he would actually want to build a life with. He finds love making with his significant other very different from these past experiences. He's still dominating, but more tender, generous, intimate and affectionate. He was a bit of a selfish lover before, deeply satisfied by the lengths people would go through to give him pleasure for nothing in return, but with you he's far more giving.

F = Favorite position  (this goes without saying)

Doggy.

But in all seriousness positions where he's fully in control. He like having you prone, while he lays on top and thrusts behind you, a hand in your hair so he can move your head as he pleases. Also you bent over a table, his loves seeing your neck and back, and while he loves your face and chest, there's just something so sensual and alluring about you prostrated in front of him.

G = Goofy  (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He can be playful with his teasing, but his teasing is ultimately cruel and unfortunately very very sexy. Any type of haha funny jokes will piss him off. He's fucking you, this is a time for learning, pay attention!

H = Hair  (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Immaculately groomed. Everything waxed/shaved with maybe a neat patch of hair on his groin that smells like a heady amber cologne.

He would also like you to be similarly tidy, but he does prefer a little patch of something down there. Something well trimmed he can run his fingers through casually or a good spot to ejaculate.

I = Intimacy  (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

With a partner? Very romantic, he lips seldom leave yours, his hands hold you as close as possible. He wants to feel all of your skin pressed up against his. Stay close when he draws you into his chest, disobedient pets who can't let themselves be guided by his hand will have to be punished. A corrective nip or two for small infractions and bondage and spankings for more serious ones.

Don't run away from the pain or pleasure he gives, you must learn to tolerate and relish in the intensity of his affections. Let him be your instructor, he will be firm but he rewards your obedience with deliciously rich and heady affection.

J = Jack off  (masturbation headcanon)

Without a partner, nightly or so. He's a fan of porn that features beast person models, but not exclusively so. He finds obedient submissives just so endearing, but every now and then he'll watch some brat taming.

He also has a slight preference for beastperson models, definitely not a fetish! You'd think he's be exclusively into the dog hybrids and he would never admit to it, he finds cat hybrids just as alluring. Crewel has watched a video regretfully titled, "Sunset Savanna Slut gets put in her place"

With a partner hardly ever, he'd just do straight to you. No need for such distractions when he has the real thing.

K = Kink  (one or more of their kinks)

He has a lot so get ready.

Domination: He's on top. 96.7% of the time, but he doesn't mind a brat, however it is extremely hard to wrestle control from him, but by all means keep trying. He finds your attempts endearing.

Choking: He loves your neck, so his hand often finds purchase there. And all the better to hold you in place.

Spanking: Bend over the table. Now pet, don't make him ask twice. You have to be punished. Crewel has an extensive collection of paddles and whips stored neat next to each in a drawer in his closet.

Bondage: He likes to tie you up and restrain you. Not everyday and nothing too immobilizing. Crewel some nice fur lined cuffs for you, but he often finds the products on the market a tad tacky, so he names his own just for you. Leather spreader bars, custom gags, only the best for his lover.

Car Sex: Why own so many beautiful cars if not to rail you in back of one. Early into the relationship you learn Crewel loves a road trip, now you know why.

L = Location  (favorite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere that doesn't hugely risk your positions. He'd fuck you in an alley if he was 85% certain you wouldn't get caught.

In your shared home everywhere is fair game, but the bedroom will always be top spot.

M = Motivation  (what turns them on, gets them going)

You love and admiration. Demonstrate your attraction to him and shower him in compliments and Crewel will just be dying to ravish you.

Well that and dress pretty for him, something age appropriate sleek. Show off your legs and back. Supple exposed flesh makes him want to pounce.

N = No  (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No pictures please. He's a Professor and consummate professional. He would be horrified if such debauchery were to get into the wrong hands.

Also he's not as in to pet play as people think, bondage absolutely. But Crewel treats his student like dogs because they require discipline, for his partner and his equal such degrading language seems unkind.

If you were into it Crewel could be swayed but if you show no interest he has no interest in treating you like a pet. He has actual dogs.

O = Oral  (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Lovesssss receving, but is getting better about giving. Has a special chair for you to give him head. A black sleek leather chair where he can rest his wine or whiskey on the arm while he tangles his other hand in your hair. And once you finish him off, hell flip the positions around and tend to you. He’s a big fan of eating you from the back while this hand secures your wrists on your back. That way it still feels like he has you submission.

P = Pace  (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Tender and deep, he wants to feel as much of you as possible. He’s controlled in his movements and famously a crowd pleaser he knows how to give the people what they want.

Q = Quickie  (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Any type of sex is good sex to Crewel as long as you are both enthusiastic participants. Of course he prefers a long drawn out session, but he seldom has the time.

A quick romp in the morning or in the private bathroom at school are all acceptable to him.

R = Risk  (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

If you think Crewel isn't going to ask for head in the alchemy workshop then you've overestimated him. He is a man afterall.

S = Stamina  (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Lasts are long as you want him to, he has really tight control over his arousal.

T = Toys  (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Good pets deserve toys for good behavior. So say you've been good, Crewel will reward you with a vibrating butt plug. Don't spurn his gift or you'll get a spanking.

He's not opposed to toys on himself. If you get him a suitably sophisticated cock ring he supposes he can try it out for you.

U = Unfair  (how much they like to tease)

99/10 it’s his favorite pastime. Edging you to oblivion, making you beg for it. Ruining your orgasm when you’ve been really naughty. Crewel can’t help but tease.

He’ll humour your attempts to tease him back but he’s quick to put you back in your place. There he let you have your fun, now beg for him.

V = Volume  (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Very sexy grunting, and raspy moans.

W = Wild card  (a random headcanon for the character)

Gets super aroused when dressing you. And I’m not talking picking out clothes. Rolling your tights up your thighs, zipping up your dress, or buttoning your shirt. Putting your heels on. All of it turns him on that he wants to undress you.

Overall he’s a big fan of sex in clothes, only the necessary bits exposed.

X = X-ray  (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Long, but we knew that. About 8.5 inches, and thicker than you'd think it should be, but it’s just right at about 6.5 inches in girth.

Y = Yearning  (how high is their sex drive?)

High, a little something everyday is his preference, but he's realistic about it, as long as you aren't offended by him masturbating if you're not in the mood.

Z = Zzz  (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He usually stays up for a little, he aims to be asleep by midnight so he might cuddle you and read over some lab reports, new alchemy journals or catalogues from his former employer.

However if you're awake he'd like a second round, if you're up to it.

[arc-misadventures]

Burdens of an Unwanted Legacy

"So, why are you dragging me to the training halls, Raven?

"Because I wanted you to practice on your swordsmanship."

"I'd assume as much, but if you wanted me to do some training, then where is your blade, Raven?"

While, Jaune may be dressed in his exercise clothes, he was still armed with, Crocea Mors upon his hip. And, while, Raven may have also been dressed in simple exercise attire as well, her dreaded blade, Omen was nowhere to be seen.

"Ahh, well you're not going to be practicing with me today. No, we have a special guest here today. So, I thought it would be good if you got some time to practice your blade with someone else."

"Hmmm... that is a viable reasoning."

"Plus her beating you up a bit would be a good way to relieve some tension..."

"And, there it is... typical" Jaune had earned the moniker of, 'Punching Bag' by his fellow students, and teachers on account of his high, Aura reserves. This resulted in him having to fight many of his peers for extended periods of time for several reasons.

Those reasonings being endurance training, to testing the limits of an individuals semblance; This either being the impacts that this semblance would have on an individual, or the extent of possible damages one could expect to impact if ones semblance was allowed to extend to it's maximum capabilities.

While, Jaune could understand the reasoning behind such practices, and even encouraged many aspiring trainee to unleash the full effects of their semblances on him, It did not mean he enjoyed it.

"Haa... Am I testing someone's semblance, or am I really just the punching bag for them today."

"Don't worry, they won't be using their semblance. Just some honest training bouts with a sword to relieve some accumulating stress they've been dealing with lately."

"Stress? I take it that this isn't something that our usual meditation lessons couldn't deal with then?"

As a means to help, Spartans combat the, Grimm; Spartan Trainee's were sent through several rigorous training regimens to strengthen their mental fortitude, and more often learn to control their emotions. Often leading to many, Spartans to be seen as emotionless killing machines by the common folk.

"Uhh... no. It's civilian related." Raven visibly winced as she spoke the word: Civilian. Bar dealing with, Tai, Raven didn't have much patience when it comes to dealing with civilians.

In fact: Most, Spartans didn't like dealing with civilians so much so, that before trainee's became, Spartan's they were placed in new mental fortitude class. A class solely meant to help dealing with civilian antics, and behavior. Honestly, Jaune along with many other, Spartans didn't think that these classes were all that effective. Necessary yes, effective no so much.

"I take it that the punching bag method didn't help them?" The punching bag method was relatively simple stress relief: Get a photo of the civilians face who has been giving you shit, put it on a punching bag, and beat the ever loving shit out of it.

Many civilians found this method to be a totally barbaric practice, and that should be done away with imminently. Something that the high ranking, Spartan officers made fully well know that they fully supported this incentives. However, this was merely lip service that the higher ups gave to the civilian officials who made the complaints about it. Considering, Jaune had seen the faces of those same civilian officials on multiple punching bags before, and that his commanding officers themselves were the ones to ripe them to shreds.

"No. She's been dealing with too much stress because of this particular civilian. It's more likely that she'd turn the civilian into a punching bag at this rate." Raven chuckled nervously as they entered the training hall.

"She? Who is this, Spartan I'll be sparing with then?"

"Well..." Raven pointed her hand outward, and Jaune knew fully well who she was having him spar with today. This lady didn't need to introduce herself, Jaune knew fully well who he was dealing with the second he saw that silver white hair. And, upon seeing her, silver white hair, Jaune gave the only appropriate response anyone could fathomably conceive.

"Ahh... shit."

Among the, Spartans everyone knew who the lady with the hair as white as snow was. She was a rarity among rarities. For she was, Winter Schnee, S Rank, Spartan.

A Spartans overall end rank was determined by an individuals level skill, Aura levels, and the combat applicability of their unique individual semblance in combat scenarios. A circumstance with begged the question; if an individual, Spartan that had truly impressive levels of, Aura, and a truly effective combat applicable semblance. Would there rank stop at, A Class?

This question, and rare existence swiftly lead to the creation of the seventh rank that only a rare, and selected few, Spartans could dream to acquire. Given to those only with both vast aura reserves, and especially powerful semblances.

S Class.

The numbers of, Spartans who had reached the rank of, S Class were enough to be counted on one hand. Because of their rarity they had unprecedented influence both within, and outside the, Spartan Academies.

Influence that many unscrupulous characters from the outside of the, Academies often wished to capitalize on.

"Winter Schnee... Are you trying to get me killed, Raven?!"

"Yes." A smirked rose across her face, as Jaune recoiled in fake shock at the teasing remarks of his friend, and mentor.

"What did I do to deserve this?!" He feigned mock shock at her playful accusation.

"You forced me to reconnect with my past lover!" Raven lean down, and leered down at the young man.

"And, what is wrong with that?"

"Nothing, it's nice to reconnect with him. I'm meeting him, and his wife for dinner this weekend." Raven, straightened her back, and looked away from him, trying to hid the faint blush across her face.

"Oh, Tai got married? I wonder how that came about."

"I don't know, I'll ask them when I see them this weekend, and I'll let you know."

"Thank you. Did you catch her name by any chance?"

"I think her name was... Summer Rose? Yeah, Summer Rose." It took, Raven a moment to catch the name that was caught on the tip of her tongue. But, as she said it, Jaune couldn't help, but raise an inquisitive eyebrow as he heard that name.

"Rose? Hmmm... do you think she has any relation to that gun nut in the armoury?"

Raven's eyes blinked in contemplation as she heard the mention of, Beacon Academy's resident gun nut armourer.

"Hmmm... Maybe... why don't we ask...?"

"Hey!"

The duos musing was interrupted as they saw the, S Class Spartan, Winter Schnee walk towards them.

"Hey, Raven."

"Winter..." The duo clasped their hands together in a greeting before breaking apart. "Sorry, I didn't call out to you sooner; my friend, and i were lost in our own discussion."

"That is alright. So, is this my sparring partner?" Winter turned to face, Jaune. She gave him the once over, no doubt evaluating him. Jaune gazed at her in turn, evaluating her in the process.

Jaune knew full well how effective of a warrior every, S Class Spartan was. He knew full, and well how effective of a warrior, Winter Schnee was. He knew fully well, and good that if they fought in a duel with, and Winter was using her semblance, she would wipe the floor with him. Without her semblance though, he'd give himself a thirty five out of a hundred to win.

"B Class Spartan, Jaune Arc, Sir!" Jaune threw up a salute to the woman out of respect, she quickly returned the salute in kind.

"B Class? You look rather young for a, B Class."

"I have higher then average levels of, Aura. Because of that, they made me a, B Class when I graduated." Jaune had been asked this question many times before, his ranking often made sense to his fellow, Spartans. But, his experience's when it came to his rank, and aura levels when it came to dealing with civilians was often unpleasant.

"Ahh, I had a similar experience; I was promoted to A Class when I graduated because of my semblance's capabilities."

"A Class? Seems a bit too fast to graduate from a trainee to an, A Class Spartan in my opinion." Winter nodded her head as she agreed with his statement before she continued her story.

"I agree, but due to my semblances unique abilities, and some... backroom politics I was promoted to, A Class. However, I never acted like I was an, A Class until I had a few more years of experience under my belt."

"I understand that, I'm still acting like I'm a, C Class myself. I've only been a, B Class for little over a year now. I still don't feel like one yet. Now then, enough small talk; You asked for a duel with the 'Punching Bag.' Shall we begin?"

"The punching bag? I thought you said I would be fighting a person, Raven, not an actual punching bag." Winter looked at, Raven, her brow furrowed in disappointment. Raven shook her head, as she waved the idea away.

"No no no. 'The Punching Bag,' not a punching bag."

"Hmm?"

"Jaune's, Aura is so vast that he is often used to help trainee's test the limits of their individuals semblance's. Because of this he earned the moniker of, 'The Punching Bag' around, Beacon Academy."

"Oh... my condolences." Jaune took, Winter's words in, and just waved them off.

"Think nothing of it. Considering the effects of many trainee's semblances, it is better if they could test their semblance in an controlled environment against an individual who can withstand their attacks."

"Hmmm..." Winter cupped her chin in thought as she registered his words. "That is sound logic. I could have used someone like that whilst I was training with my semblance."

"Hey, just because I think it's a good idea to train with people to help control their semblance's doesn't mean I like it!"

"Oh? But, it sounds so fun to toss you around with my semblance." Winter gave, Jaune challenging smirk that caused him to growl at her in turn.

"So you want to play then? Okay then..." Jaune walk out into the middle of the training hall, and pulled out his sword, and shield. He pointed his blade at her as he issued his challenge to her, that she was all too willing to reciprocate in kind. "Care to dance miss?"

"With pleasure~!"

[cece693]

Hello! Could I request a Jason Grace x male reader fanficthat has like anger issues with the reader either being a son of ares or nemesis:D

If you decide to make this I thank you

Lightning in Your Veins

pairing: jason grace x male reader tags: son of ares, reader has anger issues, jason makes it better and is your safe place

Your fists clenched as you lunged at a training dummy in Camp Half-Blood’s arena, each strike hitting with enough force to startle even the most seasoned demigod. A few yards away, Jason Grace watched you with an unwavering gaze, stormy eyes revealing both concern and admiration. He had just finished his own sword exercises when he noticed you losing your temper—again.

“(M/N)!” he shouted over the clang of metal. “Take a breath!”

The tautness in your shoulders eased fractionally at the sound of his voice. Even though a raging fire still blazed beneath your skin, you forced yourself to pause, chest heaving. It wasn’t easy being the son of Ares. Anger seemed to run in your blood, threatening to break free at the slightest provocation.

But Jason was there. He was always there.

You first met Jason during an ambush on a quest. Embarrassingly enough, a stray arrow had grazed your arm. Blood dripped onto the forest floor, and you’d been half-blinded by pain and fury, ready to fight back with no regard for your own safety. He, battered from a scuffle with a cyclops, had insisted on helping you, ignoring his own wounds to wrap yours with shaking hands.

That day, lightning rippled across the sky and crackled in your heart. You’d never believed in those cliché moments of “electric sparks,” but the second you stared into his eyes—eyes that reminded you of storm clouds over a calm sea—your pulse pounded for an entirely different reason than anger.

Of course, it wasn’t all smooth sailing from that point on. You had a temper like no other, and Jason’s sometimes overbearing sense of duty often clashed with your single-minded need to face threats head-on. But in quieter moments—moments where he found you alone at the archery range late at night, or when the two of you snuck to the lake’s edge to watch the moonlight—there was no one else in the world you wanted by your side.

Now, back in the arena, you struggled to rein in that Ares-fueled fury. Sweat slid down your temple. You felt suffocated, embarrassed that you couldn’t control it, especially in front of him. Jason’s gentle approach was your only anchor.

“Take a breath,” he repeated softly, lowering your raised fists with his hands. He slid his fingers over yours, the contact sending a jolt of warmth through your arms. You exhaled shakily, remembering all the times his voice alone kept you tethered to reality when your anger threatened to consume you.

Jason’s thumb stroked the back of your hand, electricity humming just below his skin. “Are you okay?”

"Depends," you managed, a self-deprecating smirk curling your lips. “Do you mind if I punched that dummy so hard it nearly fell over?”

He chuckled. “I’d only be worried if you started punching me next.”

Despite your anger, you felt a flicker of humor. “I’d never do that…at least, not without a really good reason.” That earned a small laugh from him, and you found yourself relaxing, your shoulders no longer tense. Jason’s laughter was like a fresh breeze dispersing the thick storm clouds in your mind.

You were never great at words. To you, action always spoke louder than any poem or eloquent speech. So, when Jason slid his hand up your arm, hooking his fingers gently around your bicep, it was like he was reading your mind. No words needed—his presence and concern were proof enough of how much he cared.

“C’mon,” he said. “Let’s get out of here.”

He guided you toward a side bench beneath the shade of an oak tree. As you both sat down, the distant sounds of other demigods training faded to a dull clamor. You pressed the heels of your palms against your eyes, swallowing a wave of frustration at yourself. You hated feeling so out of control, so easy to provoke.

“Hey.” Jason’s voice was gentle. “I know it’s not easy, being the son of Ares and all.”

“Sometimes, I can’t stand it,” you admitted, raw honesty tumbling out. “Everything sets me off. And I’m worried one day I might hurt someone—someone I…” You trailed off, chest twisting. “Someone I love.”

Jason’s eyes flashed with sympathy. He squeezed your knee. “You’re stronger than that. You made a promise to control this, right? I’ve seen you fight the toughest monsters and outsmart the worst of your own impulses. I believe in you. And if you do lose it,” he added, his lip curling into a rare, fond smile, “I’ll be here to knock some sense back into you.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, a short bark of a sound that was more relief than true amusement. Jason’s unwavering faith in you was a lifeline you never knew you needed until you had it.

As the afternoon sun lengthened the shadows across the camp, you and Jason found yourselves drifting toward the strawberry fields for some quiet. The fields, usually bustling with satyrs and other campers tending to the plants, were empty in the late day. Golden rays lit the place like a scene from a painting, turning the leaves into shimmering emerald.

Jason walked beside you in comfortable silence, your shoulders occasionally brushing. When he gently reached for your hand, you let him take it, warmth blooming in your chest. Here, away from the clang of swords and the prying eyes of other demigods, it felt like it was just the two of you.

Stopping by a particularly lush patch of berries, Jason turned toward you. The breeze ruffled his blond hair, revealing the small scar above his right eyebrow—an old souvenir from another quest gone wrong. Before you could think, you reached out and traced it softly. He leaned into your touch, letting out a contented sigh.

“I’m not going anywhere, M/N,” he said, voice quiet but sure. “I’ll be here when your anger flares up. I’ll be here when you feel ashamed. I’ll be here when you feel like you can’t handle it.”

You blinked, your throat tightening with emotion. You couldn’t decide if it was embarrassment at your vulnerability or gratitude that someone—even a son of Jupiter—could care about you so much.

In response, you gently tugged him closer by the collar of his camp shirt, closing the distance until you could feel the heat of his breath. His eyes fluttered shut half a second before yours did. Your lips met in a tender, hesitant kiss that quickly grew surer, fueled by the swirl of conflicting emotions inside you—fear, passion, relief, love.

He tasted like the ozone before a thunderstorm, and you wondered if that was just Jason or your imagination conjuring sparks again.

When you finally broke apart, breathless, you were amazed at how calm you felt. Your anger was still there, coiled like a serpent in your chest, but with Jason at your side, it seemed…manageable.

“Thanks,” you murmured, brushing your forehead against his. “For believing in me. For staying.”

Jason squeezed your hand. “Anytime,” he promised, a small grin tugging at his lips. “After all, you’re stuck with me now.”

You found yourself laughing softly, your heart drumming with more excitement than dread for once. Maybe anger was part of who you were, but it wasn’t everything. And if there was anyone who could handle a spark of Ares—and give it right back—it was Jason Grace.